Continuation

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you weren't able to finish something but knew that if you had had the time you wouldn't have been able to get it right anyway?  Often I have had this feeling as a father.  Since my kids have moved on my heart yearns for one more explanation...something to relive the gift of time together.  When their fingers slipped through mine my responsibility seemed incomplete...unfinished.  The present somehow still lay unopened...wrong tears for "I'll miss you, wrong hug for "I'm sorry", Wrong words for "I love you".

Is it possible I made a connection when I noticed that a conflict between a parent and child, or for that matter a child and an aging parent, may be with the perspective of conversation...one giving instruction the other receiving correction?  Why does the bow on this gift seem to be untouched, the knot still held tight?

Do not misinterpret this difference between instruction and correction.  As we age our search for independence doesn't really leave us, although the focus may change.  We want to be loved, noticed and congratulated for our inferences and discoveries. However, these struggles of acceptance seem to intensify during the teenage and elder years.  The young adult is breaking free and the older adult holding on.  In both cases their hope is in the understanding that trust and belief is needed from those who are closest, yet it is held at a distance, if accepted at all.

                                  "I can do this don't baby me" or "I can do this don't pity me"

When advice is given frustration begins to mount.  My attempt at instruction, meant to help, love and protect, was often met with this frustration, a push back of sorts. I often thought there was some kind of an irritation from the instruction when it may have been a condescending message of correction I was portraying.   My instructive words were coming through with a corrective attitude leaving people lessened not build up.

Jesus handled situations differently, for example, look in the Bible with me at the adulterous woman in John 8.  With simple questions and pictures in the sand, Jesus allowed the Pharisees to admonish themselves and the woman to feel true love and acceptance.  He was able to allow each of them to come to terms with their needed response.   Granted, Jesus is God and I am me so situations often work out differently. but this is a picture, nonetheless, of positive idea transfer.

Did I bolster my parents or my kids?  Do I offer real help to my co-workers?  Do I reach out and help the crabby customer?

I look back and feel somewhat of a failure at opening this gift of communication...the missed opportunities of instruction, the frustrating terms of correction.  But as I age, the picture seems clearer somehow.  Getting it all right pales in comparison to pressing on.  Other lives will experience wisdom I have gained from both triumphs and failures of the past because I have been blessed with the gracious acceptance of my family who have allowed me to practice these many years.

As in the example Jesus set before us in John 8, I pray that my words will be less distinct and my pictures in the sand more evident. This gift of time together continues on as the present does not lie unopened, but has been re-wrapped and the bow untangled to reveal a new gift...a grandson.  Welcome Avery!  Together there will be treasures opened that only we will see...places we will go...people we will meet and secrets we will share.