Remembrance

I have been admonished, in a good way, of dwelling on the sin of man more than the grace of God.  This may be a right judgment of  me as I think and write upside down and sideway creating misunderstanding.  Of course, Gods grace is much more important than my sin.  If I have given any other thought I am sorry.

By the grace of God, Jesus died on a cross for me.  All the useless, disgusting, awful things of both now and later, Jesus hung on that cross for me.  And should I choose to accept this gift and ask for His forgiveness, God will bury my sin as far away and deep as could possibly be.  God has forgiven and forgotten my sin so He may not even know what I dwell on sometimes.  I have accepted His grace and don't wallow in the fear of not being forgiven.  The scars are what concern me.

Jesus died and rose again for me.  He is God!  He rose from the dead!  What's the deal with the scars in His feet, hands and side? Wouldn't scar healing be much easier than death healing?  Maybe He left those there for a reason.  I look at those scars as reminders, not of what I've done (that's buried) but what I don't want to do again.

I mentioned in my last muse about the scar of my daughter. That scar given to her, not unlike the scars of Jesus were created by my lack of discipline.  I said that she came to me for comfort.  As much as she came to get comfort, it was the comfort of acceptance she gave to me, I most remember. All these scars I've caused remind me to appreciate, stay vigilant and not take advantage of this grace God has given, which cancels any amount of my sin.

If I don't prepare to beware, my susceptibility will be too great. 

               Expectation dislodges the glory of Grace
               Duty misrepresents the gift of Grace
               Thanks minimizes the magnificence of Grace

If I don't remember the scars I have produced, I won't understand the awesomeness of this grace that has been given.  As my daughter, in her pain, comforted me in her embrace, so Jesus envelops me in His outstretched arms of grace.

Scars

Years ago, when my daughter was young, we had resurrected a rickety, old metal swing set.  A little tender loving care and a few new bolts were needed in this extremely important project.  My vast array of old nuts and bolts produced only options that were much too long.  I was able to piece the set together but in my effort to finish quickly I failed to saw off and file smooth, the extra long bolts.  One day, during my daughters swinging and climbing routine, she slipped off the swing set and slid down a protruding bolt.  I held my screaming girl while doing my best to sort out her shredded stomach.

I would never have planned for my carelessness to cause such pain for my dear little child, but planned or unplanned, my lack of discipline had caused a huge scar to one I loved dearly.

Does this folly follow me everywhere, exacerbated by my unwillingness to follow through?  Do I limit my care and thoughtfulness because I feel I deserve more love and compassion from family and friends?  Do I feel left out because my ideas were not chosen?  Do I not tidy up the loose ends of a misunderstanding and dislodge a friendship?  Or do I not file off the burrs of a misrepresentation and allow a relationship to develop an ugly scar?

Even though my lack of diligence tore through the body of my baby girl, she still came to me with open arms expecting no apology but only a desire for comfort.

As I stumble my way through this life, I would hope people would trust that my foibles are mostly a lack of attention not desire or intension.  May God grant me the ability to continue to piece together broken structures and may He heal the scars produced by the burrs and bolts of life I have missed. 

Base

We have most always been a world filled with sin.  Does this sinful world seem like a different kind of rampant now?  Am I more wimpy? Do I feel more susceptible as I get older?  Are my feelings unreliable?  Whatever the case sin haunts me.

Throughout time sin has seemed to take on different categories .  Satan started this whole miserable thing and was so defiant that not only was he willing to be cast out of heaven but he made it his goal to drag everyone along with him.  This defiance was an absolute crazed rebellion and hate for what was God.  Adam and Eve followed suit with this sin but took a different path.  Curiosity, dissatisfaction and distrust of conscience led to their distraction.  This was all followed by remorse, regret and seeking a place to hide.  Cain forged his path by feeling what had happened before was cultural, sacrificing the precedent of sacrifice for what he determined was the new normal.  He put himself before God, deciding what was right.  His rebellion got him into big trouble but he came to understand the waywardness of his ways and asked for God's help, though he seemed more scared for his skin than shamed by his sin.

The cycle continued and we see defiance return.

          Genesis 6:5
                     The Lord saw how great man's wickedness
                     on the earth had become and that every
                     inclination of the thoughts of his heart
                     was only evil all the time.

           verse 6
                      The Lord was grieved that he had
                       made man on the earth and his
                       heart was filled with pain.

What is worse, I wonder, that my heart would be filled with evil "all" the  time or that I've filled the heart of God with pain?  In reality, I guess, both are worse.

The flood and destruction followed.

What part of this cycle are we in that sin seems so overwhelming?  We have always had this "evil" heart but seemed to consider it evil and did our best to hide and cover it up.  Have we crossed the bridge to a defiant reality, a reality where there is no wrong?  If there is no wrong I'm possibly always right.  Has our base changed from stationary to fluctuation?  Has the bar of good and evil begun to float to keep me always good and never bad depending on my deception and demeanor? 

Is it true that I'm not evil just because I tell myself that I'm not evil?  Can I persuade myself that this philosophy makes sense?  It seems so odd because I have heard many stories of people who convince themselves they must steal, assault or even kill to fulfill some onslaught of righteousness.  Some decisions, however, are not so easy to determine.  The line becomes so foggy when I adjust my base to accommodate my desires.

Christlikeness....just the idea of me attempting such a feat is overwhelming.  I could never stay true to my God if I allowed myself to create a base to live by.  Even though I fail so often, having a base to follow founded on the goodness of the creator is incredibly freeing.