Joy

A few months ago my pastor was talking to our church about prayer.  He mentioned that prayer and joy should go together.  I have been struggling with this for some time.  How do I establish this joy in prayer? How do I make it fresh?  How do I trust in this God I pray to?

Reality deals with cause and effect.  If the reality is true the effect will occur.  If I plant a seed a plant will grow.  However, there is much within the reality to reach the true effect...the right seed, the right ground, the right weather and so on.  Many of our decisions have already been cased out so I know how to plant the right seed in the right ground at the right time, enabling me to know the expected effect.  But I know that often my cause does not bring about my predetermined effect. 

Is prayer much different?  Prayer is reality!  The cause part of prayer is usually not difficult to decipher, because it happens.  My car dies, I get cancer, my house burns down, my child rebels....it is what it is.  The expectation of the effect is what steals my joy.  I determine the effect before it is reality.  My car dies....I pray....I expect a car.  Have I a right to expect a particular desire as something certain?  What if God may see fit for a different answer?  Maybe the breakdown is for someone else...the man at the shop or the person I may be riding to work with.  Maybe God is forcing me to get a closer job or go to a church nearby.  If I am unwilling to accept my God's answer my joy is stolen.  No, this doesn't mean I can't express my desires to God.  In Matthew 26:39, even Jesus asked that His situation would be different.  However, we see God's answer was to provide a sacrificial sin replacement as our way to a predestined adoption.  I don't believe Jesus would have ever wanted to sacrifice our redemption for His escape.  Yet He asked, not demanded another option.  We only know what we know....we must ask. 

My faith must know that God will supply an answer!  My joy then comes in watching this great God supply the solution of reality, and I will not be disappointed that I did not receive my expectation.

I do fear this will be a struggle for me because I often have a flimsy faith.  I struggle to find this joy when I don't see my friends brother healed of his Alzheimer's,  my niece not finding this precious God of mine, old friends unable to resolve their marriage or a brother continuing to stray from Jesus.  The more I believe in this God the more I kneel before Him the more answers I wait for.  Often my desires are not God's answer, I understand this and wish I was more spiritually in tune. I have, at times, experienced this joy and though impatient I know His power is unimaginable and His answer is on the way.

In 1 Corinthians 2:5, Paul is talking about his conversation ability.  Prayer is not much different than Paul's words being effective, "Our faith may not rest on man's wisdom but on God's power."  Man's wisdom does not bring the joy we desire, God's power brings this joy.  I must not determine an answer but wait on my powerful God.

My faith falters when my prayer expectations are not met by God.  I believe that my faltering faith is a lack of trust that my expectation of need is more difficult to establish than God's promise of power to provide.  This non-reality of expectation causes me to miss out on the reality of God's true and powerful answer and the establishment of His great joy. 

Purge

How does this God of mine purge my soul?  Do I hang my hat on my gifts and abilities and stick to it?  Is my harbor full of buoys that everyone must go around to get to me?

          If you do this for me I will listen.
          If you meet these needs I will help you
          I know what's best for you...do it and
          you will be pleased with me.

In the Bible we see Peter needed some purging.  His boldness was something God needed to corral to build His Church.  Peter's heart change to follow Christ was quick enough and was maybe an example of a decisive and impulsive spirit.  The trick here didn't seem about who to follow but how to follow.  God is really quite particular, you know.  Often I feel fine because I am following Christ.  But, God needs me to be much more precise in my obedience.  Peter gives us some examples of a path off course.  There was the walking under the water technique.  "Hey guys, look at me...I'm sinking"  (Matthew 14:30) The fishing on the wrong side of the boat method was nice. "Jesus, who's the fisherman here?....opps never mind!" (Luke 5:8)  Of course, we have the hair raising ear chopping event. (John 18:19) And then there's the story of the noisy roosters. (Luke 22:60)

How many times have I sunk while trying to walk on the water?  How many ears have I cut off trying to win a battle?  I don't believe God is too pleased with my interference.  My eyes are too proud, my sword too sharp and too many roosters are calling out my name.  All for what?

Am I much different than Peter?  Do I want to dictate, impress or interfere?  God wants none of it.  He wants what's right and won't use us till we want His best.

Proving his denial by the third crowing of the rooster, Peter was broken.  Did Peter's brokenness change his boldness?  In the sense of bold boldness maybe not much had changed.  But the brokenness redirected his boldness towards Christ...a surety that God had this direction and Peter would follow no matter the cost.  Peter had been purged of Peter.  Everyday this purging also awaits me.  Sort of a daily devotional, as it were. 

The hand of the little girl slid into mine and the tear stained face begged for help.  "Please, mister, help me find my mommy."  As I knelt and wiped away the tears I said, "Your mommy will never stop looking for you, but let's make it easier for her to find you."  At the service counter the tiny hand slipped from mine as a reunion took place some twenty yards down the hall.  As I turned to leave my eyes filled knowing, no matter how far I wander, God will always come searching ready to purge, once again, my reckless heart. 

Offering

My acquaintances ask me questions. My friends want answers.  My family looks for guidance.  What do I have to offer?  There is no wisdom like Lewis, no inspiration like Swindoll or insight like Zacharias.  Stinky fish and moldy bread are all I have to offer.

In John 6:9, there is a glimpse into a little boys life.  He probably got up early that day to hurry through his chores because he had heard about the open air event with the great new man about town.  He didn't know this Jesus like we know Him now but he knew He was something special and he had to be there.  He finished his chores and headed for the door...of course mom must have stopped him. "Don't forget your lunch. You may need it!"....If she only knew!

At the event the disciples were searching for food to fulfill Jesus' request to feed the multitudes.  Not unlike me, the disciples were probably mocking the situation at hand.  Inwardly they were saying, "you want us to feed all these people?  See what you can do with some moldy bread and stinky fish."  And just like Jesus, he punishes their thoughts by building their faith.

Back to the boy....I don't see that he questioned the disciples to see how much food they needed.  He created no other obstacles or issues.  Is it good?  Is it enough?  Are people allergic to barley or fish?  What will I eat?  Will mom be mad?  They asked for food, he had food....he gave it.

There is so much to do.  I wish the eyes of the skeptics would open, the stomachs of the doubters would fill and the hearts of the lost would find their way home but I have so little to offer.  Did that little boy give his lunch to feed the multitudes?  I don't really think he thought about it.  There was a request and he gave what he had.  His lunch was not blessed because he gave much but because he gave it.  Do I hear a request and say, "this is mine, use it" or do I bow at the feet of Jesus and say, "this is yours, take it"? 

Often I blame people for who they are or what I think they have made me.  Maybe my teachers were too hard on me or my Dad was too serious or my pastor went on and on about sin. They weren't perfect....wow man, that's some sound insight!  All these people I find fault with had offerings similar to mine.  God did incredible things with their lives.  They used the gifts God had granted to do things He needed done and most of those things had nothing to do with fulfilling my expectations.

Many times I think offerings are what I see as worthy or what I classify as usable that I return to my Savior, maybe money or expertise or wise teaching.  I'm pretty sure God does not need my "greatness" to do anything.  Often it's the stinky fish and moldy bread He uses to feed those that are starving.

Is it easy to offer God my bread and fish?  No.  Am I ashamed to offer Him so little?  Yes.  But He didn't ask for much, He asked for me...an offering that He can make pleasing in His sight.

Facts

My comprehension ability always seems somewhat muddled.  Do I forget easily, dream often, read only parts of books or not hear well?  My wife and I once sang at a valentines banquet, I believe the song was a rendition of "Wind Beneath my Wings" by Bette Midler.  This song is quite a mellow, sweet song of someone or something giving strength to whomever or whatever when times were somehow or somewhat not good.  Of course in my recollections of past memories, readings, dreams or creations I developed a wonderful introduction to our song.  A wife of a struggling pastor hoisted his wings to incredible heights by great bursts of blessedness.  We sang magically and the crowd erupted into wondrous jubilation (if I remember correctly).  We meandered back to our seats and as I sat down my wife leaned over and asked me where I had gotten that story.  As I bowed my head into my soup I wondered if I had heard the story from someone or if in the deep recesses of my mind I had concocted the whole thing. 

Last night I had a dream that a George W Bush doll was left in our house, came to life and we became great friends.  Will I someday take this dream as fact and tell my great grandkids I was a presidential advisor?  Possibly.  But certainly I would be the only one who may think it possible. 

My thoughts and ideas all come about from stories, books, dreams and even some facts mixed together to create a rather interesting collection of wonderment. 

Gods work is much different.  He uses truth, intricate detail and omniscient insight in His dealings.  Ideas I can't understand, plans I couldn't contrive and concepts I could never imagine.  The Bible has many books in it that reveal how life was, is and will be, written by many men whose only exposure was what God revealed to them.  As this life unravels and it becomes as God says it will be, facts take on a third dimension.  To me a fact is something that is...to God a fact is also something that will be.

Gods Word....a collection of truths written by men He appointed...to understand all He gave... to share all the love we could ever imagine.

Prodding

Do you have trouble keeping up with people?  I don't mean in a race, as such, but life in general...God has blessed my life with many wonderful people, so much more than I deserve.  But my discipline of keeping all these people part of my current life seems so out of reach.  However, grand memories often fill my mind of these friends.  The laughter, sorrows, prayers and ideas we shared are so...right there.  These memories happen to me over and over.  I think I have been misreading these reoccurring experiences.

I have wonderful friends from long ago that I had corresponded with every five years or so (see what I mean?).  But very often memories of them would come over me.  A smile would come to me as I would remember this beautiful and contagious couple.  Unfortunately, fabulous memories were as far as my mind went.

Not long ago my memories were rocked with the disclosure of a marriage in distress.  What had I done?! I had misread Gods prodding for a call to arms as just a fabulous memory.  How else would the Holy Spirit coax me to pray?  Most all memories of my friends are wonderful.  It's what He had to use to move me to pray for them

Satan has already been defeated and he knows it.  But in the time he has left he will confuse and mislead us as often as he can.  We cannot miss the moving of the Holy Spirit to uphold our friends.  People are hurting.  Often they do not know why and more often don't want others to know what.

                   No matter how God brings people into your memory, pray for them.

                                                           You think ~ You pray

                                      We must not misread the prodding of our God!

Gift

In a previous blog I believe I told you about some early college experiences I had in the Colorado Rockies.  I was privileged to take part, with many wonderful people, in a life changing time.  Many men and women of God filled my life with all types of backgrounds and ideas.  I was young and developing a sense of who God was and how I fit in this thing called life.  I was blessed with four professors who loved their God deeply but one man had an insight that seemed to click with me.   He was very kind and had a non-judgmental concern with a deep desire that we would pull as much out of our Creator as possible.  He was a no-nonsense biologist and taught with a sense of practicality I haven't really seen since.  Maybe this appreciation was enhanced by the mercy he showed by not flunking a terrified freshman out of his biology class. 

Years later at a reunion I was awarded a complement from this man of which I will never forget.  I went to a Bible and engineering school and received a degree in recreation and camp administration....go figure.  At the reunion most of us guys were helping this professor unload a bunch of wood into the lodge.  He had backed his new truck up a small hill to shorten the carrying distance.  When the wood was unloaded and the truck swept out the tailgate wouldn't close.  The engineers were calculating the derivatives, angles, pressure points complete with leverage analysis.  The spiritual leaders were calculating the amount of sin we had committed in our determination to close the tailgate.  I was lost amongst the math and the stress.  I said, "the truck looks catawampus maybe if we drive the truck onto level ground, the gate will close."  What do you know!  The tailgate closed with ease.  I had nothing to offer but a drive down the hill.  My professor said six words that encouraged me greatly, "I like the way you think" , then he went about his business....serving us. 

He taught the intricacies of life to show us the awesomeness of our Creator.  He knew it wasn't about him and his brilliance, it was about God and his majesty.  "If you can't piece together ameba's, protozoa's and cell division, don't worry about it.  Just be amazed that God has it all in control and you will be fine."  Wow, I still had a chance!

A few horses had taken Dr. Compton to task and I still see him hobbling down to the water pump.  I miss his wily wisdom.  I wish I could sit down again and talk about the greatly complicated and wonderfully simple aspects of our incredible God.  Dr. Compton was brilliant, compassionate, humble and loved his God dearly.  I was able to study under this man.  What an incredible gift I was given!

Answered

Do I feel prayer is answered based on how life intersects with me?  If I pray for a car and a car is received do I automatically think that's the answer?  A month later the car breaks down.  If the answer was the car, why would God allow it to break down?  Is the car only a part of the answer?  Maybe the car was to build trust for the next life occurrence, the breakdown. God brought me through the receiving of the car, why would he not carry me through the breakdown?  Maybe the answer was not the car, maybe the answer was faith building.  Its much easier to pray for a desire than for faith building.  My character is too fragile to anticipate faith building, which is most always difficult, than to look forward to something which makes my life easier, a car.

 Am I willing to change my prayer habits to include Christ's desires instead of my longings? Am I willing to do anything for the sake of God's glory? This doesn't mean I ought not pray for a car, but am I willing to walk if God so wills it?  My pious self says, "Of course", but will I chortle in disgust if my way is not granted?  Should I not be willing to do anything or give up everything for the cause of Christ? 

If I could only meet God for coffee each time I had a need or question it would be so much easier.  He could look at me and say,

                           "You want what?  That's a little selfish don't you think?"
                    Or
                           "If you did it this way, things would work out much better."

But God decided we should live by faith.  He wants us to realize that life will deal us crap but he will take the crap we are dealt and fertilize our life into something pleasing and good if we stick by Him.

Yet, my piece of pie falls in my lap, my boss irks me, my car breaks down and I get annoyed.  Why the dilemma, the mockery, the scandal in my soul when, in reality, the pie,the job and the car are all blessings of which I should be thankful. 

Is the implication of rebellion the course of a heart gone cold?  Is this heart salvageable?  Is it yet pliable enough to be kind and not spiteful, generous and not selfish...at rest in the arms of Jesus?

                              My God will supply all my needs.....do I believe it?

                              My God will always be there....do I feel it?

                              My God will not forsake me....do I know it? 

Prayer predicates itself on a God who will answer or it is not prayer at all, it is a gambling percentage based on bad probability.  God is there, he will answer. Though, I must expect only His answer, not my answer.

Diagnosis

Not long ago I was in for my normal infusion of medication.  After the two and one half hour procedure, the nurse drew some blood so they could check out all the levels of who knows what.  On my way home from the doctors office I received a phone call.  The person at the other end of the line asked me how I was feeling and if I was driving that I should pull over.  I was already in the hardware store parking lot so I asked if there was some problem.  The nurse told me that my blood work had some concerning results and I needed to get to a hospital immediately.  I told her I felt quite fine but would stop in and see my doctor as soon as I got home.  She was awfully upset and thought driving was not a good idea because some of the blood levels indicated the onset of a ...coma.  Now I am a full blown Swede, which some may consider comatose, but it also won't allow me to "walk" into an ambulance.  So off I drove for a half hour comatose car ride.  Shortly, another phone call brought me back to reality.  They realized the blood draw was taken from the same arm as the infusion so the medication had affected the blood diagnosis.  All was normal...I could have gone to the hardware store after all.

How is my diagnosis?  What indications do people get from my blood draw?  Was I just infused with hate, anger, ridicule or despondence? Is my diagnosis so alarming people wished I was comatose? 

In the book "Prodigal God", by Timothy Keller, he establishes some great insight on how our personal diagnosis can be affected by how we draw attitudes from our life.  Just like my blood was expected to be normal it became a tainted test because of the foreign substance in my body, so do we become tainted by sinful attitudes.  And even though we should be Christ-like we exhibit un-Christ-like features. 

Mr. Keller delves into these tainted examples which came from the familiar biblical story of the prodigal son.  Both the elder and younger son had their issues.  He points out that the younger son didn't care about his father and in his selfishness spat on his fathers love and stole his money.  The elder son also didn't care about his father and was "waiting" to spit on his fathers love and steal his money.  (Spit and steal are my words not his.) Both had been infused with selfishness and greed.  The elder son was diagnosed with piety, the younger son with rebellion. 

The author discusses that often piety causes rebellion.  He pastors a large church in Manhattan and many of his parishioners are there because they had left their place of worship long ago with scars of ridicule, criticism and un-acceptance from church and family.  Mr. Keller and his church hope they can squelch these feelings by doing their best to practice the personality of Christ.

Timothy Keller expounds on these thoughts much better than I could:

                     "The choice before us seems to be to either turn from God and
                       pursue the desires of our hearts, like the younger brother or
                       repress desire and do our moral duty, like the older brother. 
                      But the sacrificial, costly love of Jesus on the cross changes that. 
                      When we see the beauty of what He has done for us, it attracts our
                      hearts to Him.  We realize that the love, the greatness, the consolation,
                      and the honor we have been seeking in other things is here. 
                      The beauty also eliminates our fear.  If the Lord of the Universe loves
                      us enough to experience this for us, what are we afraid of? 
                      To the degree we "see His beauty" we will be free from the fear and
                      neediness that creates either younger brothers or elder brothers" 
                                                                                                               The Prodigal God
                                                                                                               page 99 

All this has been written to set up my muse.  Why do I cycle this elder and younger brothers dilemma?  Why do I feel I must control my God by duty or rebellion?  Is my faith strong so I hold circumstances of my faith as a pious bully pulpit?  Or, do I hate people holding things over me so I escape to rebellion?  Why is balance so difficult?  If I learn to be a good elder brother why do I begin to accept human tendencies instead of Gods' intension?  If I begin to heal my younger brother selfish thoughts why do I begin to be obligated to become like the elder brothers and think his piety is worse than my rebellion?  Elder brother becomes younger brother becomes elder brother becomes younger brother....

In 2Peter 1:5-9 God may give us a link to abandon this cycle:

                    "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
                     and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self control; and to
                     self control, perseverance; and to perseverance , godliness; and to
                     godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 
                     For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure they will
                     keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge
                     of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted
                     and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from past sins."

Our brotherly cycles seem to begin when we try to be perfect in one or another of God's recommendations.  Maybe they all matter...they all work together.  My faith may be strong and my rights and wrongs may be established, but I need love and brotherly kindness to realize God is at a totally different focus in someone else's life. Or, maybe I love so much but my knowledge is too insufficient to make decisions which are pleasing to my God.  Maybe I need to increase the measure of all these qualities in my life or I will continue to be ineffective and unproductive.

I have no right to be pious or rebellious!  The blood of Jesus needs to flow more freely and less tainted throughout my life so my diagnosis is more helpful in the work of my Savior. 

The Fixer

I have a brother who is a fixer.  He makes things from nothing to do better things than were done before.  He designs, welds, wires, bolts and builds magnificent machines.  When people misuse or overuse, he fly's all over the world and reinvents, recreates and resolves the situation. 

I sometimes think I am a fixer.  Really though, I think I'm a "smooth-overer".  My brother welds and bolts...I put on a Band-Aid and a piece of tape.  He rewires...I use an extension cord.  He re-sheet rocks and plasters....I slap up an old door to cover the problem. 

When we were young we had these motorized contraptions we called "go-carts" and "mini bikes".  I would drive these little vehicles all over our farm and had quite a lot of fun, actually.  They were never quite fast enough, efficient enough or perfect enough for my brother so most of the time they were in the garage being worked on.  I don't know why he would always do that, they worked fine...or so I thought.  But after each "brotherly" session the toys performed better. 

I believe my brother has a piece of the personality of my God.  My God is not a "band-aider" an "extension corder" or a"slap-overer".  He is the ultimate fixer!  I have so far to go but when I put my life in His hands He keeps shutting me down to rework and retool me so I can be more effective and efficient for His work.  He puts me out there again and I get in the way and misfire and short out but He gently takes me, not to the woodshed, but to His work shop and revives my unwilling spirit and sends me out for another try. 

I am glad my God is a fixer and not a recycler or I would have seen the crusher many years ago.

Am I ok with revisiting that little boy from long ago and be satisfied with chugging along in life? Or will I listen to my Savior, the ultimate fixer and enter His workshop and allow myself to be refurbished for the work of the Kingdom?