Remembrance

I have been admonished, in a good way, of dwelling on the sin of man more than the grace of God.  This may be a right judgment of  me as I think and write upside down and sideway creating misunderstanding.  Of course, Gods grace is much more important than my sin.  If I have given any other thought I am sorry.

By the grace of God, Jesus died on a cross for me.  All the useless, disgusting, awful things of both now and later, Jesus hung on that cross for me.  And should I choose to accept this gift and ask for His forgiveness, God will bury my sin as far away and deep as could possibly be.  God has forgiven and forgotten my sin so He may not even know what I dwell on sometimes.  I have accepted His grace and don't wallow in the fear of not being forgiven.  The scars are what concern me.

Jesus died and rose again for me.  He is God!  He rose from the dead!  What's the deal with the scars in His feet, hands and side? Wouldn't scar healing be much easier than death healing?  Maybe He left those there for a reason.  I look at those scars as reminders, not of what I've done (that's buried) but what I don't want to do again.

I mentioned in my last muse about the scar of my daughter. That scar given to her, not unlike the scars of Jesus were created by my lack of discipline.  I said that she came to me for comfort.  As much as she came to get comfort, it was the comfort of acceptance she gave to me, I most remember. All these scars I've caused remind me to appreciate, stay vigilant and not take advantage of this grace God has given, which cancels any amount of my sin.

If I don't prepare to beware, my susceptibility will be too great. 

               Expectation dislodges the glory of Grace
               Duty misrepresents the gift of Grace
               Thanks minimizes the magnificence of Grace

If I don't remember the scars I have produced, I won't understand the awesomeness of this grace that has been given.  As my daughter, in her pain, comforted me in her embrace, so Jesus envelops me in His outstretched arms of grace.

Scars

Years ago, when my daughter was young, we had resurrected a rickety, old metal swing set.  A little tender loving care and a few new bolts were needed in this extremely important project.  My vast array of old nuts and bolts produced only options that were much too long.  I was able to piece the set together but in my effort to finish quickly I failed to saw off and file smooth, the extra long bolts.  One day, during my daughters swinging and climbing routine, she slipped off the swing set and slid down a protruding bolt.  I held my screaming girl while doing my best to sort out her shredded stomach.

I would never have planned for my carelessness to cause such pain for my dear little child, but planned or unplanned, my lack of discipline had caused a huge scar to one I loved dearly.

Does this folly follow me everywhere, exacerbated by my unwillingness to follow through?  Do I limit my care and thoughtfulness because I feel I deserve more love and compassion from family and friends?  Do I feel left out because my ideas were not chosen?  Do I not tidy up the loose ends of a misunderstanding and dislodge a friendship?  Or do I not file off the burrs of a misrepresentation and allow a relationship to develop an ugly scar?

Even though my lack of diligence tore through the body of my baby girl, she still came to me with open arms expecting no apology but only a desire for comfort.

As I stumble my way through this life, I would hope people would trust that my foibles are mostly a lack of attention not desire or intension.  May God grant me the ability to continue to piece together broken structures and may He heal the scars produced by the burrs and bolts of life I have missed. 

Base

We have most always been a world filled with sin.  Does this sinful world seem like a different kind of rampant now?  Am I more wimpy? Do I feel more susceptible as I get older?  Are my feelings unreliable?  Whatever the case sin haunts me.

Throughout time sin has seemed to take on different categories .  Satan started this whole miserable thing and was so defiant that not only was he willing to be cast out of heaven but he made it his goal to drag everyone along with him.  This defiance was an absolute crazed rebellion and hate for what was God.  Adam and Eve followed suit with this sin but took a different path.  Curiosity, dissatisfaction and distrust of conscience led to their distraction.  This was all followed by remorse, regret and seeking a place to hide.  Cain forged his path by feeling what had happened before was cultural, sacrificing the precedent of sacrifice for what he determined was the new normal.  He put himself before God, deciding what was right.  His rebellion got him into big trouble but he came to understand the waywardness of his ways and asked for God's help, though he seemed more scared for his skin than shamed by his sin.

The cycle continued and we see defiance return.

          Genesis 6:5
                     The Lord saw how great man's wickedness
                     on the earth had become and that every
                     inclination of the thoughts of his heart
                     was only evil all the time.

           verse 6
                      The Lord was grieved that he had
                       made man on the earth and his
                       heart was filled with pain.

What is worse, I wonder, that my heart would be filled with evil "all" the  time or that I've filled the heart of God with pain?  In reality, I guess, both are worse.

The flood and destruction followed.

What part of this cycle are we in that sin seems so overwhelming?  We have always had this "evil" heart but seemed to consider it evil and did our best to hide and cover it up.  Have we crossed the bridge to a defiant reality, a reality where there is no wrong?  If there is no wrong I'm possibly always right.  Has our base changed from stationary to fluctuation?  Has the bar of good and evil begun to float to keep me always good and never bad depending on my deception and demeanor? 

Is it true that I'm not evil just because I tell myself that I'm not evil?  Can I persuade myself that this philosophy makes sense?  It seems so odd because I have heard many stories of people who convince themselves they must steal, assault or even kill to fulfill some onslaught of righteousness.  Some decisions, however, are not so easy to determine.  The line becomes so foggy when I adjust my base to accommodate my desires.

Christlikeness....just the idea of me attempting such a feat is overwhelming.  I could never stay true to my God if I allowed myself to create a base to live by.  Even though I fail so often, having a base to follow founded on the goodness of the creator is incredibly freeing. 

Respect

If you are under thirty-five years of age, you will most likely not understand the emotion of my muse.  This example of respect may be generational but the idea is definitely transferable.

It has been forty years and it seems as if the sun has not yet set.  Actions of yesteryear lie buried in my soul.  We were entering Watertown from the east, our youth excursion was almost over.  We had had a grand ol' time doing what, I don't remember.  As our car barreled down the big hill towards the river, I saw my friend's dad coming towards us in his nifty police cruiser.  Being very tired and somewhat giddy, I hung my head out the window, waved frantically, called out to him, by his first name, and yelled "Hi"!  What had I done...?  I couldn't get my head in the window fast enough. You don't call an adult by their first name!  My stomach felt awful...I suspect a  little like Peter when he denied his Christ.

I had just disrespected a man I should have honored.  That family had a divorce soon afterward...was I at fault?  I'm sure there was no harm done and I bet he was glad that I was glad to see him. 

I had often thought there was no disrespect if the approached party doesn't care if they are respected.  Have I fallen into the trap of placing the obligation of respect on the conscience of the deserved?  Does respect work that way?  If so, I can gloat in the joy of my ignorance and the serenity of my miscalculation. 

          "Oh, he doesn't care if I show respect."
          "He doesn't deserve my respect."
          "If he doesn't respect me, why should I respect him?"

In this ignorance and miscalculation is my respect to my God also haphazard?

          "Well how are ya doin? Let me give you a few requests and I'm off  to   
            something more important."

Am I flippant with the Creator and His children?

Respect is a tricky thing because I have this incredible ability to think people are not great enough for my high approval.

Snappy salutations don't always have to be stated but the heartfelt driven idea is that "God has a reason for you and I respect you for the miles you have put in."

Respect is garnered by the greatness of our Creator not by my calculation of how individuals match up to my "perfection".  Respect is my genuine honor of Gods' creation.  Jesus is a great example of this.  He understands who people are, what they are dealing with and how he can help them in their journey.

I told you that there was probably no harm done to my friends dad....do I know that to be true?  Did my insolent behavior lower his susceptibility?  I will never know.  But I learned from that example that I owe many more people much more respect a lot more often.

How Long?

When interviewing, a question that comes up quite often and I'm sure is lied about quite regularly is this ~ "Tell me about a failure in your life."  Nice! I'm here to impress you with my qualities and you want to know how much of a loser I am.  Well, here goes another job offer down the tubes.

One of my many failures came out in a review I once had.  This boss of mine told me that my biggest problem is that I hold on to people too long. "When people don't produce for you, cut them off sooner" he said.  I'm not sure if I have this problem because I want my people to succeed or if I don't want to fail. 

Over the years, being in contact with many different kinds of employees, I see characteristics that irk me.  Some because they remind me of quirks I can't get rid of in myself and some because it causes me trials....more work, more discipline, more confrontation.  When I look at the situation as their fault, the irritation worsens and not only is the problem not solved, I become a problem as well. Comradary becomes worse, my attitude begins to affect other things I do...how I handle situations and relationships.  And certainly this fault thing doesn't help my progress with said party.

Compassion becomes another option.  Wanting to see someone succeed gives an outward goal......something else to focus on rather than worry about poor, poor me.  Many times people are waiting for an arm around the shoulder or a kick in the butt to give them the motivation they need to move on to the next level.  The ability to watch someone grow and develop is exciting.  Unfortunately, growing and developing isn't always the outcome.  Yet, in the battle, many positives about this person surface because my heart wasn't blinded by my self-centeredness.  The time may come, however, for some people to move on and have this mentoring process continue elsewhere. 

Often I look at these situations and wonder if the placement of these people in my life were there for their betterment or for growth in my life.

How long do I hold on?  Always a good question to ponder.

Deception

Jerusalem, a few hills in valleys surrounded by mountains....The Valley of Vision.  A surge from the enemy was imminent.  The people don't care, they want to party.  The powers to be try to refortify the city, however, they forgot one thing....God.

                                          Isaiah 22:11
                                               "...but you did not look to the One
                                                who made it, or have regard for the
                                                One who planned it long ago."
                                            vs. 12
                                               "The Lord, The Lord Almighty called you on
                                                that day to weep and wail, to tear
                                                out your hair and put on sackcloth"

There was nothing but joy and revelry.

In these days, do I try to console, comfort and make peace with all kinds of Evil in an effort to have fun and frivolity and convince myself all is going right?  Do I profess a certain sort of sexuality and whittle away at God's creation and call something that is impossible, possible so I can afford manipulation of my fancies or fantasy's?  Do I eliminate life and pronounce things as nothing to assure my revelry is not interrupted?  Do I oppose just cause so I don't tweak my tender self-esteem?  All this in a false effort to protect this "Valley of Vision" from certain disaster? 

God does not want my fake solutions nor my clever calculations.  He wants me to weep and wail for mercy, put on sackcloth of humility, tear out my hair of self righteousness and walk His path....live His life.

Sin is ramping up and do I really care?  It seems that the higher the ladder of sin goes the more rungs I can climb without being noticed.  It gives me a chance to revel without a pointed finger.  I must be careful then, not to be sucked into this vacuum of sin. 

I am no different than Jerusalem of old, but I had better listen and learn or:

                                       Isaiah 22:14
                                            "...till your dying day this sin will not be atoned for."

Is everything really fine?  Do I just rely on my perceived immensity or do I choose to follow Christ?

Whether I like it or not, I am in the Valley of Vision.  I will be watched.  I may be persecuted. No matter the price, I must caution myself against this evil that surrounds me.  Beware, God won't stand for deceivers...or the deceived.

Bait

When I was in college I took a literature course and found myself debating, all too often with my teacher, about the  thoughts of writers.  We would all sit around in class and discuss what was going through the minds of these authors.  My teacher always seemed to know where these thoughts came from and where they were going.

"Why use a raven to say nevermore?"

"What's the real deal with this throbbing heart?"

"Was Mr. Poe giving us a clue or skirting the real issue?"

"Was he scared, angry, depressed....?"

"Did he want us to listen closer or steer us away?"

I had so many questions.  Often we have no clue what people are saying and relate our own experiences to develop some relevance.

I did a little experiment and took some of my writings to my dorm mates and asked them what I may have been thinking when I wrote what I wrote.

Since you are reading my blogs this may not come as a surprise but everyone, including my teacher, received a different slant to the thoughts behind my pen.  Instead of delving into the whereabouts of a thought, it seems much easier for me to make a comfortable conclusion about the idea.

Isaac Watts wrote a song, At the Cross, in which he classified himself as a worm;

                                       Alas! and did my Savior bleed
                                       And did my Sovereign die?
                                      Would He devote that sacred head
                                       for such a worm as I?

This rendition was cast off and worm was substituted for "...sinners such as I?"  Wouldn't Mr. Watts put sinners if he wanted sinners?  Why change it?  Maybe worm has some bad connotations....?  Precisely!  Why would Jesus die for me, a slimy, disgusting worm? I don't know, maybe "worm" is a cuss word in Greek or something.  If it is, I apologize but try to come back to the English language with me and see if we can shake this out a bit.  What might Isaac Watts have been thinking when he called himself a worm? 

"....such a worm as I."  What a line.  It isn't a real pretty picture, but it is so indicative of who we are.  We aren't too pleasing and often get ourselves in trouble when we find ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

The problem with worms, when they get caught, is two fold.  Not only are they skewered on a fishing hook and forced to die a slow death, they are also used as bait to lure something else to its demise.

This is not too unlike us now is it?  Stay with me here, these examples are used as parallels not comparisons.  We, as the worms, are surrounded by our safe haven of dirt or God's protection.  We are lured out into the world by the falling rains of temptation.  We are then snatched by the fishermen of deceit (sorry anglers) to not only be abused but used in the reeling in of captors to build the army of Satan.

I let my guard down and it doesn't take much, just a sprinkle, and I come out to test temptation, and I'm caught.  Have you ever pulled a worm out of the ground and it rips in half?  Satan is no different.  He doesn't care if he only gets a little piece of me, just enough to use as bait to ruin my reputation and lure someone else into his clutches.

Does the rain of mockery, gossip or self righteousness drag me out of God's safe haven of respect, commitment and servitude?  Do I allow the fisherman of deceit to not only skewer my character but use me to drag others away from Jesus? 

I must be careful then.  My character is one step, one look, one thought from the inviting rains of deception.  Let us stay vigilant for the work of Christ.


                                     ~A thought from January 2012~

Sometimes I feel too carefree in this freedom Christ sacrificed for.  His honor should not be trivialized because I twist His word to find permission to do what I know in my heart to be less than what He desires.