Regret

Where has time gone? I grew up near a small town, some 30 miles west of Minneapolis.  Thirty-three acres of hobby farm allowed much room for my dog and me to scamper about.  At the back end of this property lay a meandering muddy river filled with prize Bullheads.  Trailing this river toward town, a mile or so, brings us to my good friend.  There's his home just off the river ready to take yet another spring barrage of water and debris.

We couldn't put up with it any longer we had to fix the "dilemmas" of nature and society.  The secret club began.  A bunch of fourth and fifth grade boys were about to right all wrong.  Oaths were stated and dues were collected, nature was our first battle.  Spring had sprung and our beautiful river was laden with all kinds of "stuff" carried from its long journey.  Washing machines, tires, doors, almost anything that water could push was trying to sneak by.

The wary sleuth's wasted no time.  Our pockets filled with due collections, we rallied the troops to the hardware store.  Ropes, cables, hooks and anything else used in river dredging was whisked from the shelves.  Unfortunately, the helpful hardware man had to put most of it back because we could only afford a short piece of cable and a hook.  No worry, much greater wrongs had been righted with much less.  We were off!

Toasters, chairs and car doors were among the debris collected from the river and deposited on the shore.  The idea was fabulous, the procedure was inefficient. Not only did my friends family have to put up with the unsightly garbage on the shore the rest of the year, the garbage would be washed down the river in the next spring flood.  We were eight or nine, what did we know? 

Now that the problems of the environment had been solved we moved on to the humanitarian challenges of the day.  My friend and I would ride our bikes around town looking for things to do and see.  An old man on an old porch would often catch our eye.  This poor man was not very friendly, responsive or sober. He would be our new project.

Back we went to the secrecy of our club room to plan our strategy.  This plan would be flawless.  There was no room for mistakes this time, we were dealing with a person.  The plan was set, we checked out our stash of money and headed for Mayer Grocery.  There was no way this would fail....Twinkies and root beer, no one could resist our friendship.  The conversation was awkward at best, the treats were criticized but our visits were not discouraged.  Soon this old man with no name faded from the porch and I have no recollection of his final chapter.  I'm afraid our follow-up capabilities had not yet matured. 

This partner in care, my good friend, had not yet given his heart to this God I now call mine, however, he was interested.  Around this time of figuring out our responsibility in society our church sponsored a movie, we called it a film of course, which depicted the love and concern of a God who created this conscience my friend and I were developing.  I invited my buddy to come take a look and off we went.  After the movie my friend was moved both by the message and the call to salvation.  He asked me to go up front with him.  I froze, feeling people may think I was a rebellious rascal who fell back on his earlier decision...I didn't go with him....he didn't go either. 

Failures were mounting quickly.  We changed schools and this new place offered a much higher class clientele of which I could not compete...my good friend and I drifted apart.  As time went on through high school and college I tried to resurrect the experience to him through letters and prayers but to no avail.  May I have banished my friend from heaven because I was "chicken" to go up front with him? 

Time is short, change happens quickly.  A soft heart may harden before another chance is available.  Don't put Christ aside for the giving or the taking, it's not worth the regret.

Base

We have most always been a world filled with sin.  Does this sinful world seem like a different kind of rampant now?  Am I more wimpy? Do I feel more susceptible as I get older?  Are my feelings unreliable?  Whatever the case sin haunts me.

Throughout time sin has seemed to take on different categories .  Satan started this whole miserable thing and was so defiant that not only was he willing to be cast out of heaven but he made it his goal to drag everyone along with him.  This defiance was an absolute crazed rebellion and hate for what was God.  Adam and Eve followed suit with this sin but took a different path.  Curiosity, dissatisfaction and distrust of conscience led to their distraction.  This was all followed by remorse, regret and seeking a place to hide.  Cain forged his path by feeling what had happened before was cultural, sacrificing the precedent of sacrifice for what he determined was the new normal.  He put himself before God, deciding what was right.  His rebellion got him into big trouble but he came to understand the waywardness of his ways and asked for God's help, though he seemed more scared for his skin than shamed by his sin.

The cycle continued and we see defiance return.

          Genesis 6:5
                     The Lord saw how great man's wickedness
                     on the earth had become and that every
                     inclination of the thoughts of his heart
                     was only evil all the time.

           verse 6
                      The Lord was grieved that he had
                       made man on the earth and his
                       heart was filled with pain.

What is worse, I wonder, that my heart would be filled with evil "all" the  time or that I've filled the heart of God with pain?  In reality, I guess, both are worse.

The flood and destruction followed.

What part of this cycle are we in that sin seems so overwhelming?  We have always had this "evil" heart but seemed to consider it evil and did our best to hide and cover it up.  Have we crossed the bridge to a defiant reality, a reality where there is no wrong?  If there is no wrong I'm possibly always right.  Has our base changed from stationary to fluctuation?  Has the bar of good and evil begun to float to keep me always good and never bad depending on my deception and demeanor? 

Is it true that I'm not evil just because I tell myself that I'm not evil?  Can I persuade myself that this philosophy makes sense?  It seems so odd because I have heard many stories of people who convince themselves they must steal, assault or even kill to fulfill some onslaught of righteousness.  Some decisions, however, are not so easy to determine.  The line becomes so foggy when I adjust my base to accommodate my desires.

Christlikeness....just the idea of me attempting such a feat is overwhelming.  I could never stay true to my God if I allowed myself to create a base to live by.  Even though I fail so often, having a base to follow founded on the goodness of the creator is incredibly freeing. 

Respect

If you are under thirty-five years of age, you will most likely not understand the emotion of my muse.  This example of respect may be generational but the idea is definitely transferable.

It has been forty years and it seems as if the sun has not yet set.  Actions of yesteryear lie buried in my soul.  We were entering Watertown from the east, our youth excursion was almost over.  We had had a grand ol' time doing what, I don't remember.  As our car barreled down the big hill towards the river, I saw my friend's dad coming towards us in his nifty police cruiser.  Being very tired and somewhat giddy, I hung my head out the window, waved frantically, called out to him, by his first name, and yelled "Hi"!  What had I done...?  I couldn't get my head in the window fast enough. You don't call an adult by their first name!  My stomach felt awful...I suspect a  little like Peter when he denied his Christ.

I had just disrespected a man I should have honored.  That family had a divorce soon afterward...was I at fault?  I'm sure there was no harm done and I bet he was glad that I was glad to see him. 

I had often thought there was no disrespect if the approached party doesn't care if they are respected.  Have I fallen into the trap of placing the obligation of respect on the conscience of the deserved?  Does respect work that way?  If so, I can gloat in the joy of my ignorance and the serenity of my miscalculation. 

          "Oh, he doesn't care if I show respect."
          "He doesn't deserve my respect."
          "If he doesn't respect me, why should I respect him?"

In this ignorance and miscalculation is my respect to my God also haphazard?

          "Well how are ya doin? Let me give you a few requests and I'm off  to   
            something more important."

Am I flippant with the Creator and His children?

Respect is a tricky thing because I have this incredible ability to think people are not great enough for my high approval.

Snappy salutations don't always have to be stated but the heartfelt driven idea is that "God has a reason for you and I respect you for the miles you have put in."

Respect is garnered by the greatness of our Creator not by my calculation of how individuals match up to my "perfection".  Respect is my genuine honor of Gods' creation.  Jesus is a great example of this.  He understands who people are, what they are dealing with and how he can help them in their journey.

I told you that there was probably no harm done to my friends dad....do I know that to be true?  Did my insolent behavior lower his susceptibility?  I will never know.  But I learned from that example that I owe many more people much more respect a lot more often.