Disease

                                   Disease

My Father was an incredible man.  He had an amazing drive and desire to serve his God, to the point some may have felt, it was overdone.  He was a diabetic and a researcher, so was often unconventional in his treatment and tried his own way to control the disease.  Often this meant he would end up with some kind of reaction.  The benefit of the malady was that he always had a bag of candy in the car.  However, most of my life these reactions meant cramming concentrated frozen orange juice into his system to regulate him.  Later on they created a syringe, loaded with the good stuff, that we had to inject into him.  When dad had these reactions, many opportunities erupted for angels to stay vigilant by keeping the house from burning down, watching over approaching vehicles and stalling out runaway tractors. 

One particular time Dad and Mom were in a back alley in Watertown, MN, right next to the river.  I must have gotten a text from God because somehow I tracked them down.  Now understand, Dad would either get wacky funny or angry during a reaction.  This time he was extraordinarily angry.  I kept running up to the car and he kept driving away.  My worry was he was so erratic that he may drive into the river.  I finally reached the car and turned it off and while I was wrestling the keys away, dad began swearing at me (he never swore) and punching me in the face.  As I wrestled to restrain my dad so mom could use the syringe I looked into his eyes and longed for my real father to come back.  Finally the medicine took hold...he came back.  He never really spoke to me about the event but I knew he felt awful.  Even though it wasn't who he really was it affected us both somehow.  I think it hurt the most because he felt so bad.

Sin is somewhat like this disease.  It comes over us unexpectedly and its effects somehow overtake us and drag us where we don't want to go.  It makes it seem a grand thing to take life over the cliff into the river.  Satan is really good at that and takes on the form that applies to us; a driver, a debater, a counselor, a thinker; the thing we would have considered a gift not a disease. 

Will I allow friends to restrain me so God can stab me with His Son and let the Holy Spirit drain into my life and bring back the me God wants to see?

 Psalm 43:3

Send forth your light and your truth,

let them guide me; let them

bring me to your holy mountain.

Often when I slip away from God I feel bad just as my father felt so many years ago.  But God offers hope.

Psalm 43:5

Why so downcast my soul?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God

for I will yet praise Him

my Savior and my God.

Now these are not words from a weak willed blubbering Scandinavian.  These are words given to a powerful and mighty king who needed and received the same hope I do.

                                              

Remembrance

I have been admonished, in a good way, of dwelling on the sin of man more than the grace of God.  This may be a right judgment of  me as I think and write upside down and sideway creating misunderstanding.  Of course, Gods grace is much more important than my sin.  If I have given any other thought I am sorry.

By the grace of God, Jesus died on a cross for me.  All the useless, disgusting, awful things of both now and later, Jesus hung on that cross for me.  And should I choose to accept this gift and ask for His forgiveness, God will bury my sin as far away and deep as could possibly be.  God has forgiven and forgotten my sin so He may not even know what I dwell on sometimes.  I have accepted His grace and don't wallow in the fear of not being forgiven.  The scars are what concern me.

Jesus died and rose again for me.  He is God!  He rose from the dead!  What's the deal with the scars in His feet, hands and side? Wouldn't scar healing be much easier than death healing?  Maybe He left those there for a reason.  I look at those scars as reminders, not of what I've done (that's buried) but what I don't want to do again.

I mentioned in my last muse about the scar of my daughter. That scar given to her, not unlike the scars of Jesus were created by my lack of discipline.  I said that she came to me for comfort.  As much as she came to get comfort, it was the comfort of acceptance she gave to me, I most remember. All these scars I've caused remind me to appreciate, stay vigilant and not take advantage of this grace God has given, which cancels any amount of my sin.

If I don't prepare to beware, my susceptibility will be too great. 

               Expectation dislodges the glory of Grace
               Duty misrepresents the gift of Grace
               Thanks minimizes the magnificence of Grace

If I don't remember the scars I have produced, I won't understand the awesomeness of this grace that has been given.  As my daughter, in her pain, comforted me in her embrace, so Jesus envelops me in His outstretched arms of grace.

Base

We have most always been a world filled with sin.  Does this sinful world seem like a different kind of rampant now?  Am I more wimpy? Do I feel more susceptible as I get older?  Are my feelings unreliable?  Whatever the case sin haunts me.

Throughout time sin has seemed to take on different categories .  Satan started this whole miserable thing and was so defiant that not only was he willing to be cast out of heaven but he made it his goal to drag everyone along with him.  This defiance was an absolute crazed rebellion and hate for what was God.  Adam and Eve followed suit with this sin but took a different path.  Curiosity, dissatisfaction and distrust of conscience led to their distraction.  This was all followed by remorse, regret and seeking a place to hide.  Cain forged his path by feeling what had happened before was cultural, sacrificing the precedent of sacrifice for what he determined was the new normal.  He put himself before God, deciding what was right.  His rebellion got him into big trouble but he came to understand the waywardness of his ways and asked for God's help, though he seemed more scared for his skin than shamed by his sin.

The cycle continued and we see defiance return.

          Genesis 6:5
                     The Lord saw how great man's wickedness
                     on the earth had become and that every
                     inclination of the thoughts of his heart
                     was only evil all the time.

           verse 6
                      The Lord was grieved that he had
                       made man on the earth and his
                       heart was filled with pain.

What is worse, I wonder, that my heart would be filled with evil "all" the  time or that I've filled the heart of God with pain?  In reality, I guess, both are worse.

The flood and destruction followed.

What part of this cycle are we in that sin seems so overwhelming?  We have always had this "evil" heart but seemed to consider it evil and did our best to hide and cover it up.  Have we crossed the bridge to a defiant reality, a reality where there is no wrong?  If there is no wrong I'm possibly always right.  Has our base changed from stationary to fluctuation?  Has the bar of good and evil begun to float to keep me always good and never bad depending on my deception and demeanor? 

Is it true that I'm not evil just because I tell myself that I'm not evil?  Can I persuade myself that this philosophy makes sense?  It seems so odd because I have heard many stories of people who convince themselves they must steal, assault or even kill to fulfill some onslaught of righteousness.  Some decisions, however, are not so easy to determine.  The line becomes so foggy when I adjust my base to accommodate my desires.

Christlikeness....just the idea of me attempting such a feat is overwhelming.  I could never stay true to my God if I allowed myself to create a base to live by.  Even though I fail so often, having a base to follow founded on the goodness of the creator is incredibly freeing. 

Deception

Jerusalem, a few hills in valleys surrounded by mountains....The Valley of Vision.  A surge from the enemy was imminent.  The people don't care, they want to party.  The powers to be try to refortify the city, however, they forgot one thing....God.

                                          Isaiah 22:11
                                               "...but you did not look to the One
                                                who made it, or have regard for the
                                                One who planned it long ago."
                                            vs. 12
                                               "The Lord, The Lord Almighty called you on
                                                that day to weep and wail, to tear
                                                out your hair and put on sackcloth"

There was nothing but joy and revelry.

In these days, do I try to console, comfort and make peace with all kinds of Evil in an effort to have fun and frivolity and convince myself all is going right?  Do I profess a certain sort of sexuality and whittle away at God's creation and call something that is impossible, possible so I can afford manipulation of my fancies or fantasy's?  Do I eliminate life and pronounce things as nothing to assure my revelry is not interrupted?  Do I oppose just cause so I don't tweak my tender self-esteem?  All this in a false effort to protect this "Valley of Vision" from certain disaster? 

God does not want my fake solutions nor my clever calculations.  He wants me to weep and wail for mercy, put on sackcloth of humility, tear out my hair of self righteousness and walk His path....live His life.

Sin is ramping up and do I really care?  It seems that the higher the ladder of sin goes the more rungs I can climb without being noticed.  It gives me a chance to revel without a pointed finger.  I must be careful then, not to be sucked into this vacuum of sin. 

I am no different than Jerusalem of old, but I had better listen and learn or:

                                       Isaiah 22:14
                                            "...till your dying day this sin will not be atoned for."

Is everything really fine?  Do I just rely on my perceived immensity or do I choose to follow Christ?

Whether I like it or not, I am in the Valley of Vision.  I will be watched.  I may be persecuted. No matter the price, I must caution myself against this evil that surrounds me.  Beware, God won't stand for deceivers...or the deceived.