Humility

High school....to some the rush of nostalgia flutters through the veins.  Young crushes, athletic prowess, endless energy and built up stories of wonder.  To others there is thankfulness the nightmare ended many years ago.  To me, remembrances seem somewhat blurred...a true Scandinavian recollection, "ya, I guess it was ok."

I do remember wishing I had possessed a sense of "coolness" like some, popular, handsome, smart, athletic...traits I would have been willing to get used to.  But as I look back there were only a select few of "those" people who had the one trait which made them incredibly appealing....cluelessness.  There was no pulling back the shoulders, shoving out the chest, fluffing up the hair or looking down the nose.  They had the wonderful traits of greatness but they didn't realize it.  They would say hi to us floor watchers, help the teachers straighten up the desks and even pick up a tray someone left in the lunchroom.  They would never point and laugh.  They would smile and wave.  Though I never felt worthy of a crush on a pretty and popular "cool" girl, her smile and hello enabled me to look up once in a while in search of a new friend.  And that "all American boy", he included us minimally coordinated individuals without a second thought that a helping hand may infuse inferior germination. 

Is humility somewhat like this pretty, gifted and kind girl who would dare not place herself on a pedestal higher than anyone else?  Or the ruggedly, smart and handsome athletic boy who would include any and all into his band of friends, maybe he has some aspects of this coveted humility.  It's not what they do that interests me however, it's how it all takes place.  They are not conscience that they do such things, it doesn't cross their minds that they are who they are.

Humility, it seems to hang out on the precipice of life.  If I feel I approach humility it's too easy to tip over and think myself humble thus ridding the trait.  To be humble is all unknowing.  The inkling of such a thought abolishes the presumption. 

Humility is not the thought of putting others first or the action of doing for others, it's more than that.  It's the complete lack of understanding that I may be humble, not caring if I'm humble and not even thinking to put others first. 

Is it possible for me to be such?  I think it's not something I "be"...maybe it's something I am, something I allow.  It's impossible to "be" or create myself as such by want or desire.  If I allow God's holiness to wash over and through me, than I realize this humility is not possible...thus making it more possible.  God seems to have a way of ironing out the irony to keep me from messing up.  If I would ever have the chance to approach humility, I would never know because I would be humble.

Humility also seems to have a set of standards or rightness that is understood.  At times, in the past, I had thought humility was weak and could be pushed around or put aside, but Christ showed me different.  He butted in line and went to the cross for me.  He took the sword...the thorns....the grave.  He despises my sin greatly, punishes me justly and loves me severely all in His humble effort to drag me back to what's good for me.

When I consider myself humble I am teetering on this cliff of disaster.  May God wash me with the unconscious desire to follow Him in the fog of humility and the clarity of certainty that He is worthy and I am not.