I'm a sucker for camp fires, waves and Christmas lights, I could watch them forever. It's that time again...lights on, blanket over the knees, coffee in hand...it's Christmas time.
A friend of mine recently passed away from cancer. He was a normal sort of a guy...kind, friendly, interesting and outgoing. He was a computer person and a fine coach of wrestling. At his funeral, I sat and listened to people talk about him. I didn't really catch much about his main focus in life...his teaching career and coaching prowess. What I heard about most was his love of a certain breed of cow. From what I could understand, he had become the chief guy in charge of maintaining and promoting this unique strain of cattle. People from all over the Midwest were there remembering this man, not because of his cancer or his lively hood but because of his hobby.
Jesus was born of a virgin. Why would God do that? Why cause such speculation? Why put Mary and Joseph in such an awkward situation? Why not do the "norm" and have Jesus be born royalty, be nice to everybody, take over the world and have everyone live happily ever after?
God took a couple of nice poor folk, created a miracle, developed a pregnancy and made the impossible...a Savior. This whole Savior thing, it happened not by Jesus learning Joseph's trade and building a kingdom, or by Mary teaching Jesus how to cook fabulous meals and than Jesus feeding the world. This happened through Mary and Joseph because they followed the unimaginable path set before them by the creator of the world.
What's on your horizon? Do you think that special love, maybe your winsome character or your perplexing invention is of no consequence? Who knows, God may be preparing your quirksome interest to lead lost hearts to a lowly manger cradling eternal life.
My friend loved cows...big deal. God used that passion to change peoples lives all over the Midwest...incredible!
Joseph and Mary...they were poor and now outcasts because of a pregnancy scandal...so what! Bingo, a Savior was born!
Have you crossed out your Xmas? Maybe theoretically the X doesn't matter but for some reason it makes me nervous. I'm going to put in the extra effort, nix the X, keep Christ in Christmas and watch for the unimaginable.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Prudent Selection
There seems to be many apprehensions in life. Doing things differently and staying the same both have ways of creating second thoughts and building tension. All sorts of things bring on these apprehensive feelings like replacing Christ in Christmas with an X, or replacing seven verses and seven choruses with seven repeats of the same line in a song. What about replacing weather faded hymn books with huge TV (oh my) screens. My worst fear was replacing the good ol' diaper pail with that new electronic diaper disposal system. My younger years found me impatient because I thought unchangeable was stagnation. Now that I'm older I have a hard time comprehending new things and think change is unnecessary.
When I was a youngster in college moseying my way through the mountains of Colorado, I came upon an interesting tree root. I'm not really sure if my musings of the day created the inclination or if the root actually looked like the compilation of a young and an old man. The bottom of the root looked like a muscular young man in a running pose as if hurrying somewhere, the top was a burl formed into the head of an old man, wrinkled, blemished, gnarled and bearded. This all found me in a struggling part of life; of being young and wanting to change and getting rid of old ways. But I was scared to grab life's new ideas and move into an uncomfortable world.
Times had become different. There were new ideas...many I wasn't sure were good. And many ideas seemed profound and I wished had been part of my life much earlier. As I looked at the root of man I wrote a poem that shaped me somewhat about my thoughts of young and old.
Prudent Selection
Light then breaks through tattered rinds
while rain, it flows in gutters,
lapped by tasteless tongues of time.
The mind is all that mutters....
Glistening rays bounce off the mass
when grip it seems to tighten.
Too soon to undergo the pain except for fickle lass,
is cause to never frighten.
Is it might or clever mind
that is a desperate need?
Side by side they'll surely find
some troubled lives to lead!
Strength or wisdom look to see,
both can rate as charity.
As the rain came down and glistened off that muscular body, I realized that change is inevitable and I must press on toward this perfection I follow in Christ. But the rain cascading down the wrinkles of the old man....what of him? I believe those tears have eroded many gutters of experience that can save much wasted time in this journey with my Lord. I must hold them dear as well.
It matters not what side of the fence I graze on. I have my likes, dislikes, and concerns...kinds of music, styles of clothes, methods of finance, techniques of worship. Unfortunately my humanness takes over in many of my decisions. I'm willing to throw out the old ideas and bring in something fresh. But what about others? My fresh may seem putrid to them. Why did I think older people (who were younger than I am now) were closed and set in their ways? The reality, I think, was because I wanted them to like this "new" as much as I did. What I found was that older people, by walking the path I was now walking, had created a clear motif, much better than my haphazard motives. This motif must always be consistent...Christ. We must base our life on Christ's desires not on our clever motives and ingenuity.
Does it matter young or old, hip or hop, classical or rap, fast paced or slow? I can like rap or rock or gospel and it will get me to the right destination as long as I'm going in the right direction. God may even tap His toe a time or two to both rock or hymns...I think He has no battle here.
Do I feel that the only people needing to find a Savior are those who like "change"? Maybe some who need this Savior like "same". The old may have to depend on strength to lead them because they are no longer able. Or maybe the strong need the wise to lead them forward. Leading, however, doesn't automatically change likes and dislikes. Wisdom and stability are intrinsically important as is strength and new ideas. If we all have an interest in this challenge called Christ-likeness we must look out for the interests of others. I can be as happy or even more-so to see my friends smile to their style of music rather than having to chase my toe tapping all over the stage. Or to see my kids and their friends, kick up their heels in worship to God as I sit stoically exhausted twelve rows back on the left side of the sanctuary.
I think God has a use for stable and changeable, and young and old alike. The prudent selection here is neither one or the other but both.
When I was a youngster in college moseying my way through the mountains of Colorado, I came upon an interesting tree root. I'm not really sure if my musings of the day created the inclination or if the root actually looked like the compilation of a young and an old man. The bottom of the root looked like a muscular young man in a running pose as if hurrying somewhere, the top was a burl formed into the head of an old man, wrinkled, blemished, gnarled and bearded. This all found me in a struggling part of life; of being young and wanting to change and getting rid of old ways. But I was scared to grab life's new ideas and move into an uncomfortable world.
Times had become different. There were new ideas...many I wasn't sure were good. And many ideas seemed profound and I wished had been part of my life much earlier. As I looked at the root of man I wrote a poem that shaped me somewhat about my thoughts of young and old.
Prudent Selection
Light then breaks through tattered rinds
while rain, it flows in gutters,
lapped by tasteless tongues of time.
The mind is all that mutters....
Glistening rays bounce off the mass
when grip it seems to tighten.
Too soon to undergo the pain except for fickle lass,
is cause to never frighten.
Is it might or clever mind
that is a desperate need?
Side by side they'll surely find
some troubled lives to lead!
Strength or wisdom look to see,
both can rate as charity.
As the rain came down and glistened off that muscular body, I realized that change is inevitable and I must press on toward this perfection I follow in Christ. But the rain cascading down the wrinkles of the old man....what of him? I believe those tears have eroded many gutters of experience that can save much wasted time in this journey with my Lord. I must hold them dear as well.
It matters not what side of the fence I graze on. I have my likes, dislikes, and concerns...kinds of music, styles of clothes, methods of finance, techniques of worship. Unfortunately my humanness takes over in many of my decisions. I'm willing to throw out the old ideas and bring in something fresh. But what about others? My fresh may seem putrid to them. Why did I think older people (who were younger than I am now) were closed and set in their ways? The reality, I think, was because I wanted them to like this "new" as much as I did. What I found was that older people, by walking the path I was now walking, had created a clear motif, much better than my haphazard motives. This motif must always be consistent...Christ. We must base our life on Christ's desires not on our clever motives and ingenuity.
Does it matter young or old, hip or hop, classical or rap, fast paced or slow? I can like rap or rock or gospel and it will get me to the right destination as long as I'm going in the right direction. God may even tap His toe a time or two to both rock or hymns...I think He has no battle here.
Do I feel that the only people needing to find a Savior are those who like "change"? Maybe some who need this Savior like "same". The old may have to depend on strength to lead them because they are no longer able. Or maybe the strong need the wise to lead them forward. Leading, however, doesn't automatically change likes and dislikes. Wisdom and stability are intrinsically important as is strength and new ideas. If we all have an interest in this challenge called Christ-likeness we must look out for the interests of others. I can be as happy or even more-so to see my friends smile to their style of music rather than having to chase my toe tapping all over the stage. Or to see my kids and their friends, kick up their heels in worship to God as I sit stoically exhausted twelve rows back on the left side of the sanctuary.
I think God has a use for stable and changeable, and young and old alike. The prudent selection here is neither one or the other but both.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Veterans
My father's military service was cut short because of medical issues, but in many ways his heart remained there with his comrades. He wrote many poems remembering who they were, wondering where they had gone and questioning why it had all come to this.
Why?
What are they fighting for?
Why do they die?
Why do they willingly rise
To meet the foe
Who sound the battle cry?
Theirs was the home,
The wheat fields and the sea,
The towering pinnacles that cities make,
The factory's roar, the smelting ore;
To them - not idle blasphemy.
Theirs the right to dream;
To watch the dappled sky
That evening makes for dreamer's sakes,
To watch a small child in his play;
These do not think to die.
Theirs the right to scheme;
To fashion lives in liberty.
To raise a cow; to shape a plow;
To follow it along a furrow,
This was to them Democracy.
Theirs was the sky;
No boundaries here they knew
Preventing them from conquering it;
To satisfy for reaching vagrant minds
Into every wind they flew.
And still they fly,
Escheloned in battleship that seems
A parody to man's constructive mind;
To Universities and pastoral simplicities.
And still they die, paradoxical to dreams.
John O. Benson
Freedom is so full of paradox. Soldiers who believe so deeply in our freedom that they are willing to march, fly, or sail into enemy fire to maintain something they will never again experience. They did that for me. They did that so I could whine and complain about people not taking care of me....not that they thought I would do such a thing. They died so I could burn their flag...not that they thought I would be capable of such a travesty. They sacrificed so I could blaspheme and slander, calling it speech.....not thinking there would be such perversion. What have we done?! Have we stumbled so far off base that logic has turned to lunacy? Freedom is a gift and a responsibility...not something to be toyed with. These men and women have given me so much and expected so little, for me to give so little and expect so much. I do wish we all understood and revered your sacrifice so much more. Thank you veterans!
Why?
What are they fighting for?
Why do they die?
Why do they willingly rise
To meet the foe
Who sound the battle cry?
Theirs was the home,
The wheat fields and the sea,
The towering pinnacles that cities make,
The factory's roar, the smelting ore;
To them - not idle blasphemy.
Theirs the right to dream;
To watch the dappled sky
That evening makes for dreamer's sakes,
To watch a small child in his play;
These do not think to die.
Theirs the right to scheme;
To fashion lives in liberty.
To raise a cow; to shape a plow;
To follow it along a furrow,
This was to them Democracy.
Theirs was the sky;
No boundaries here they knew
Preventing them from conquering it;
To satisfy for reaching vagrant minds
Into every wind they flew.
And still they fly,
Escheloned in battleship that seems
A parody to man's constructive mind;
To Universities and pastoral simplicities.
And still they die, paradoxical to dreams.
John O. Benson
Freedom is so full of paradox. Soldiers who believe so deeply in our freedom that they are willing to march, fly, or sail into enemy fire to maintain something they will never again experience. They did that for me. They did that so I could whine and complain about people not taking care of me....not that they thought I would do such a thing. They died so I could burn their flag...not that they thought I would be capable of such a travesty. They sacrificed so I could blaspheme and slander, calling it speech.....not thinking there would be such perversion. What have we done?! Have we stumbled so far off base that logic has turned to lunacy? Freedom is a gift and a responsibility...not something to be toyed with. These men and women have given me so much and expected so little, for me to give so little and expect so much. I do wish we all understood and revered your sacrifice so much more. Thank you veterans!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Prayer (conclusion)
This muse will conclude, however, the experience will continue on.
You may think I have shared pieces of my life to give you some insight into who I am. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am a man of inconsequence, no different than most. My purpose was to give some examples and allow you to think if it could be possible that normal everyday people can alter life through prayers to their powerful God.
Does God intervene in life as much as we think? I know He is powerful, omniscient, omnipresent and so much more....do you think God allows life to happen as it will? Again, God can make anything occur to accomplish anything He pleases, that is not my muse. But more often than not does life continue on in our sinful world, as it may and God steps in to make the circumstances as good? Sickness happens because sickness is part of peoples lives. Car accidents happen because we fall asleep or lose concentration. Does God not intervene as much as we would want? Maybe He lets life happen now and redeems the situation later....solves the puzzle as it were. The person who is susceptible to cancer, gets cancer and dies.....the normal course of life. However, God salvages the disturbing event of a sin filled world, slaps Satan in the face and draws the victim's father to Himself. The "Mistaken Identity" happens in Indiana and two families are devastated. God uses the tragedy to build a ministry to glorify His name. But.... can the prayers of Gods people, at times, alter this life of ours?
I believe we can! Do you remember back to my Christmas blog about Mary? I'm no different than her...I'm all in. I've given my life to Christ, this life no longer has anything to do with me, it's Gods deal. What I do should concern His purpose. How do I treat people? How do I respect my Lord? What do I fill my mind with? What do I pursue...how do I pursue it?
In Zechariah 7 it says that "they made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words the Lord Almighty had sent by His Spirit....the Lord Almighty was very angry." Now catch this. "When I called, they did not listen, so when they called, I would not listen" says the Lord Almighty. It sounds like life altering prayer may have some responsibility to it. "I'll check in with God when I need something" doesn't seem to be what God had in mind.
What about Abraham? In Genesis, God was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because they had become such a self interested, despicable people. It was all set, God held off and altered life because Abraham was trying to find enough good people so God would spare the cities. Joshua prayed for God to stop the sun so God's people could destroy the wicked Amorites. Life was altered because of a leader who was concerned about Gods concerns.
Our God doesn't really need us to rectify any situation or give Him any novel ideas but He cares for and loves us. If something is very important to us and it won't interfere with His overall plans, He might just step in and alter life as it might have normally shaken out. We live in a sinful world and He is in the process of defeating it, so it's not "my wish is His command" but, "my concerns and desires are His prerogative." I don't have much to offer but I am His child and He will listen to me. Don't cut God short! He may alter life's normal course to fulfill the request of His child.
You may think I have shared pieces of my life to give you some insight into who I am. That couldn't be further from the truth. I am a man of inconsequence, no different than most. My purpose was to give some examples and allow you to think if it could be possible that normal everyday people can alter life through prayers to their powerful God.
Does God intervene in life as much as we think? I know He is powerful, omniscient, omnipresent and so much more....do you think God allows life to happen as it will? Again, God can make anything occur to accomplish anything He pleases, that is not my muse. But more often than not does life continue on in our sinful world, as it may and God steps in to make the circumstances as good? Sickness happens because sickness is part of peoples lives. Car accidents happen because we fall asleep or lose concentration. Does God not intervene as much as we would want? Maybe He lets life happen now and redeems the situation later....solves the puzzle as it were. The person who is susceptible to cancer, gets cancer and dies.....the normal course of life. However, God salvages the disturbing event of a sin filled world, slaps Satan in the face and draws the victim's father to Himself. The "Mistaken Identity" happens in Indiana and two families are devastated. God uses the tragedy to build a ministry to glorify His name. But.... can the prayers of Gods people, at times, alter this life of ours?
I believe we can! Do you remember back to my Christmas blog about Mary? I'm no different than her...I'm all in. I've given my life to Christ, this life no longer has anything to do with me, it's Gods deal. What I do should concern His purpose. How do I treat people? How do I respect my Lord? What do I fill my mind with? What do I pursue...how do I pursue it?
In Zechariah 7 it says that "they made their hearts as hard as flint and would not listen to the law or to the words the Lord Almighty had sent by His Spirit....the Lord Almighty was very angry." Now catch this. "When I called, they did not listen, so when they called, I would not listen" says the Lord Almighty. It sounds like life altering prayer may have some responsibility to it. "I'll check in with God when I need something" doesn't seem to be what God had in mind.
What about Abraham? In Genesis, God was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because they had become such a self interested, despicable people. It was all set, God held off and altered life because Abraham was trying to find enough good people so God would spare the cities. Joshua prayed for God to stop the sun so God's people could destroy the wicked Amorites. Life was altered because of a leader who was concerned about Gods concerns.
Our God doesn't really need us to rectify any situation or give Him any novel ideas but He cares for and loves us. If something is very important to us and it won't interfere with His overall plans, He might just step in and alter life as it might have normally shaken out. We live in a sinful world and He is in the process of defeating it, so it's not "my wish is His command" but, "my concerns and desires are His prerogative." I don't have much to offer but I am His child and He will listen to me. Don't cut God short! He may alter life's normal course to fulfill the request of His child.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Prayer Journey (part 3)
It was early morning, not much past bedtime, when I awoke with an overwhelming concern tugging at me. All I could think about was a friend from high school. I hadn't spoken to or seen him since we graduated, maybe five or six years. Why this concern? We weren't that close, why would I be so worried about him? I dropped to my knees and prayed for him for a good half hour. There was nothing specific to pray for so I prayed, in general, for his safety, his family, his heart. The middle of the night meandered into morning and I couldn't get my friend or the unusual events out of my mind. I searched out a phone number and called him. I told him I had prayed for him the night before and asked if everything was OK. We exchanged exact times of me on my knees and he in a basement being soaked by a ruptured, frozen water pipe while holding an electric hair dryer.
What does it matter? Why use two prayers? My friend screamed for God's help. Why would God wake me up in the middle of the night to pray for a friend? God could have taken care of this situation without my prayer and no one would have been the wiser. Who knows what God had in mind.
Maybe if I leave my heart open to the Lord he will allow the precipitation of prayers to trickle in giving me a chance to participate in the excitement of the workings of a most Holy God.
What does it matter? Why use two prayers? My friend screamed for God's help. Why would God wake me up in the middle of the night to pray for a friend? God could have taken care of this situation without my prayer and no one would have been the wiser. Who knows what God had in mind.
Maybe if I leave my heart open to the Lord he will allow the precipitation of prayers to trickle in giving me a chance to participate in the excitement of the workings of a most Holy God.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Prayer Journey (part 2)
Why do I not get it? I should know where to find my God. I always have to come up with some other place to search. Maybe God's waiting for me in the closet. I'll give Him some time to go through my garb of goodness. Things will go well if I do what I should...be kind, caring and courageous. I'll look out for others and help the less fortunate. I'll be a grand husband and wonderful father. No God...well that's too bad. Maybe He's waiting in the kitchen. That's OK, He'll be able to see I'm keeping a good diet. He won't find any junk food of bad TV or movies. Of course, there are plenty of protein laden prayer meetings and church services. Oh yeah, He'll like the salads of sobriety and servant hood...He wasn't there either. God never has cared for my thoughtful uselessness. He didn't want me standing around thinking I deserved His watchful eye. That room...the one I threw all the junk in when company came over...He had found the key and snuck in. I guess I should go in too....Oh my! I didn't realize it was so full. He was there all the time. God was waiting for me in my dilapidated room of brokenness. God could only piece me back together if I was broken.
"Cinderella Man", one of my favorite movies of family, will and patriotism, had a part in it I will never forget. Jim Braddock had lost most everything, his health, his fame and his money. The struggles were overbearing. They hardly had any food left but they sat down to eat anyway. Jim's wife, Mae, waited for him to pray...he looked at her with that hopeless face and said, "You pray. I'm all prayed out." He didn't know what to do...he was spent. What do you do when you're all prayed out and spent?
Pray!
It was gone. What was I going to do? I could stand to miss a few meals but Brandon needed his precious formula. Again, I cried out to God. I stopped at the gas station and shamefully asked the owner of the station, a friend from church, if I could have five dollars of gas and I would pay him on payday. He was very gracious and said it would be fine. He pumped the gas and started into the garage. As I was leaving he yelled for me to stop and ran out to the car. "Don't tell her, but my wife gave me this shower gift to give to you a month back and I forgot about it till now" he said. Ten dollars...formula was $9.99...an answer and change.
Did my friend forget or was God preparing an answer for my brokenness? Be careful wives, is your husband forgetting or is he being used to answer a prayer?
Prayer isn't only about me. I also pray for others and those answers also build my faith. I don't always know what to pray for but God wants me to pray always...without ceasing. Sure, we pray for others as they request prayer but what if I know nothing about the concern. Does the precipitation of prayer trickle down into my life when I open my heart for God to put in the concern of others?
"Cinderella Man", one of my favorite movies of family, will and patriotism, had a part in it I will never forget. Jim Braddock had lost most everything, his health, his fame and his money. The struggles were overbearing. They hardly had any food left but they sat down to eat anyway. Jim's wife, Mae, waited for him to pray...he looked at her with that hopeless face and said, "You pray. I'm all prayed out." He didn't know what to do...he was spent. What do you do when you're all prayed out and spent?
Pray!
It was gone. What was I going to do? I could stand to miss a few meals but Brandon needed his precious formula. Again, I cried out to God. I stopped at the gas station and shamefully asked the owner of the station, a friend from church, if I could have five dollars of gas and I would pay him on payday. He was very gracious and said it would be fine. He pumped the gas and started into the garage. As I was leaving he yelled for me to stop and ran out to the car. "Don't tell her, but my wife gave me this shower gift to give to you a month back and I forgot about it till now" he said. Ten dollars...formula was $9.99...an answer and change.
Did my friend forget or was God preparing an answer for my brokenness? Be careful wives, is your husband forgetting or is he being used to answer a prayer?
Prayer isn't only about me. I also pray for others and those answers also build my faith. I don't always know what to pray for but God wants me to pray always...without ceasing. Sure, we pray for others as they request prayer but what if I know nothing about the concern. Does the precipitation of prayer trickle down into my life when I open my heart for God to put in the concern of others?
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Prayer (the journey, part 1)
...pleading before my God to help with my inadequacies...to provide for my needs...to fulfill my desires...to bring before my God the concerns of my friends, my country, my enemies and even those I do not know...to strengthen a faltering faith...that the needy will be blessed...the blessed will be thankful... the thankful will be concerned...that we all will understand that God is who He says He is...
How is your faith?
How is your prayer?
As most newly married couples we were of meager means. But, as I recall, we enjoyed our drafty little home close to the Gunflint Trail in northern Minnesota. We loved Grand Marais! I enjoyed my job. We belonged to a nice little church and Karen was pregnant with our first child.
Our son, Brandon, was born with the "CHARGE" syndrome. This syndrome affected areas associated with the mid-line of the body. Though you would never know it now, growth was inhibited quite a bit in his earlier years. Even normal things, like lifting his head, had to be taught. I guess we didn't know this was terribly unusual since we hadn't had children before. However, I do remember thinking to myself that this was a lot of work. Why did people keep having children?
My wife was a trooper. She could do it all. I could clean up projectile distress from both ends but mealtime was out of my league. No, its not what you think, although, that would have been difficult as well. Brandon had to be fed with a gavage tube. Karen would slide a tube down Brandon's throat, into his stomach and pour life giving formula into his system. I just couldn't do it. To this very day, I can hardly hold back the tears, remembering the painful look in Brandon's eyes as Karen maneuvered the feeding tube down his little throat...than the satisfying contentment as the food dissolved his hunger.
I had accepted Jesus as my Savior and loved Him dearly for over ten years at that point in my life. What was happening? I felt He had left me alone. I laid on my son's bedroom floor crying for my God to come back. I was about to start a long journey of knowing God's presence through answered prayer.
Faith enables us to believe in God. Answered prayer brings validity to that faith. Sometimes I feel that we, in our blessed lives, have faith but our validation process is weak because we are able to answer most of our own prayers. I need a car...someone will give me a loan. I need clothes or food...charge it. Desperation is minimal. Brokenness allows God to shore up our faith.
Karen was exhausted. Brandon took a lot of care and she had no escape. No one would or could watch our son for fear something might happen. One day, as she was rocking Brandon, she cried out to God to send fifty dollars so we could go out to eat and buy some food. On my trek home that night, I stopped to pick up the mail. You have already guessed it. I couldn't believe my eyes, my brother had sent fifty dollars. He wrote that he had felt he needed to send some money. I was ecstatic! Now realize this, I knew nothing of Karen's prayer. I thought I was going to be a bearer of grand tidings. I walked into the house and said, "you will never guess what just happened!" Karen looked at me and said, "God sent fifty dollars in the mail." This was no surprise for my wife but God was beginning to rejuvenate my faith. God had never left me. I was looking for him in the wrong room.
How is your faith?
How is your prayer?
As most newly married couples we were of meager means. But, as I recall, we enjoyed our drafty little home close to the Gunflint Trail in northern Minnesota. We loved Grand Marais! I enjoyed my job. We belonged to a nice little church and Karen was pregnant with our first child.
Our son, Brandon, was born with the "CHARGE" syndrome. This syndrome affected areas associated with the mid-line of the body. Though you would never know it now, growth was inhibited quite a bit in his earlier years. Even normal things, like lifting his head, had to be taught. I guess we didn't know this was terribly unusual since we hadn't had children before. However, I do remember thinking to myself that this was a lot of work. Why did people keep having children?
My wife was a trooper. She could do it all. I could clean up projectile distress from both ends but mealtime was out of my league. No, its not what you think, although, that would have been difficult as well. Brandon had to be fed with a gavage tube. Karen would slide a tube down Brandon's throat, into his stomach and pour life giving formula into his system. I just couldn't do it. To this very day, I can hardly hold back the tears, remembering the painful look in Brandon's eyes as Karen maneuvered the feeding tube down his little throat...than the satisfying contentment as the food dissolved his hunger.
I had accepted Jesus as my Savior and loved Him dearly for over ten years at that point in my life. What was happening? I felt He had left me alone. I laid on my son's bedroom floor crying for my God to come back. I was about to start a long journey of knowing God's presence through answered prayer.
Faith enables us to believe in God. Answered prayer brings validity to that faith. Sometimes I feel that we, in our blessed lives, have faith but our validation process is weak because we are able to answer most of our own prayers. I need a car...someone will give me a loan. I need clothes or food...charge it. Desperation is minimal. Brokenness allows God to shore up our faith.
Karen was exhausted. Brandon took a lot of care and she had no escape. No one would or could watch our son for fear something might happen. One day, as she was rocking Brandon, she cried out to God to send fifty dollars so we could go out to eat and buy some food. On my trek home that night, I stopped to pick up the mail. You have already guessed it. I couldn't believe my eyes, my brother had sent fifty dollars. He wrote that he had felt he needed to send some money. I was ecstatic! Now realize this, I knew nothing of Karen's prayer. I thought I was going to be a bearer of grand tidings. I walked into the house and said, "you will never guess what just happened!" Karen looked at me and said, "God sent fifty dollars in the mail." This was no surprise for my wife but God was beginning to rejuvenate my faith. God had never left me. I was looking for him in the wrong room.
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