Compassion

Compassion

Compassion...what is it really?  Is it a serious venture - one worth pursuing?  Do I really care for people?  Maybe this compassion thing is some kind of emotion conjured up within my head to make myself feel rightous.  As a child my friends and I created our own little club to solve the ills of society.  We would dredge up garbage out of the river.....and leave it on the shore.  We would bring root beer and twinkies to the local drunk...but lost track of him when he didn't show up on the porch and yell at us.  Did I really care about the river or the drunk man?  In a way I suppose I did but mostly because it made me feel as if I was doing something.  How can I sort out this thing called compassion?

Hate!  Now there is an emotion I can wrap my head around.  It stands for itself.  It's catatonic really, self focused, self absorbed...a self inflicted stupor.  But compassion is so complex because it takes so many directions.  Experiences are different and personalities varied.  How do I balance this emotion?  There's empathy, discipline, teaching, giving, withholding, patience, pursuance and connectivity.  There's the ability to care for someone who has done wrong, protect someone who's been wronged, cry with someone who is hurting, listen to someone who is suffering and work with someone who needs help.  How can I be compassionate to the mistreated and the "treater"?

Could my compassionate base, with all these angles and directions, have flattened out and become murky?  In my last few posts I've been writing about a dimension where we live through the Holy Spirit.  This is a dimension God gives us to learn and be like Him.

Sure, I flounder in and out but do I really lose focus of myself, concentrate on the teaching of God's Spirit and allow myself to be Christ-like?  Now don't cast me off as some mystical wack-job.  God sends us help when we receive Him into our life.  John 14:26 says God will send the Holy Spirit to "teach" us.  John 16:13 says the Holy spirit will "guide" us.  We are taught to be Christ-like and guided to do Christ-like things.  So, when we are able to be Christ-like and not determining what Christ should be like, we are able to understand the difference between discipline and abuse, caring and posturing, giving and gloating, receiving and expectation.

Lets look at murky.  In 2 Samuel 6 we see David bringing the ark of God to "his" city.  The ark becomes unsettled during a stumble of the oxen.  Uzzah, probably a very nice and kind man, reached out to steady the ark.  God's anger "burned against him" (not good) and Uzzah died.  Was Uzzah compassionate to steady the ark? Now this is my God. How is my faith?  I often tend to wonder in criticism of God.  Why, God ?  As in, "how dare you"!    But God gets it, He is always right.  I should be asking, "why Uzzah".  Don't get lost in this example but the idea is that problems are not God problems they are "me" problems.  God is the Savior not the villain.  How do I quit being murky?  How do I make sure I don't reach when I should keep my hands close?

Maybe I've given up on the principles of truth. Compassion does not seem to be sentimentality, compassion is obedience.  This isn't something I make up.  Compassion has to do with the overflowing of Gods grace not the outpouring of my sense of wonderfulness. God's word points us to this very idea.  Psalms 51:15-17 shows Davids heart when he had been found out in adultery.  "To obey is better than sacrifice."  Could it be that living truth is better than wishing I had?  God gives us His word and His Spirit...not to manipulate but to obey.

Murky is uncomfortable.  I often make stuff up in my head thinking I'm doing wonders and justifying my actions without really understanding the ramifications of "steadying" the "unsteady ark of God".  I either didn't know or remember the truth or consequence of such an interference.

Really now...am I a pompous narcissist? Do I actually seek to be thoughtful and compassionate or do I just want people to notice my righteousness?  Do I recycle and quietly relegate to be a good steward of God's resources or do I shine up my recycle bin in order to portray my diligence and criticize others?  Am I loud and clear? Do I become raucous in my charity, activate my ideas, protest other's and pound my chest to acknowledge to everyone that I am quite incredible?  Again...is my compassion misguided and murky because I have given up on the principles of truth?

Previously I had written about my mom (press link for post). She was a wonderful lady, not perfect but blessed for sure.  In her last months of life I had wondered when a person's life becomes unviable.  When does a life slip into "uselessness"?  Was it at the point of pain, cost or unbefitting behavior?  Is it ever useless?  Were these thoughts uncomfortable?  Yes, but a decision I may have had to make.  This compassion question could not be murky in my mind.  There was no way this answer could come from me.  As I sought truth in God's word and direction from God's Spirit I was shown that my ways are not God's ways.  Life affects people in ways unbeknownst to me and my hands must be careful what they steady.  As my mom lay, seeming useless, in that nursing home, my brothers, who are quite gifted in their compassion, visited old friends, teachers from long ago and people they did not even know.  We sang concerts, shared coffee, books, laughs and tears.  My children learned more about love, care and concern than I could have taught them.  All this happened because of a life that was just there.  Am I willing to do away with life, whether young, old or imperfect because my compassion lies in the murky idea of alleviating hardship instead of elevating the creation of a marvelous God?  I can't conform to some kind of mind twisting because truth seems uncomfortable.

I tend to make illogical, irrational and unreliable decisions based on what I am feeling today, instead of the unwavering truth of the Creator of all. I have the assurance truth is at my disposable and my gleanings will reap effective, consistent and concise answers based on the words of my God and the guidance of His Holy Spirit. ]

What do I do then?  Being a pragmatic individual I want the 1, 2's and 3's and the A, B's and C's to offer me the exact analysis and solution.  But often God doesn't work that way because He is so complex.  So, when I am able to move past my idiosyncrasies and into the dimension he provided things look so different.  I don't see how much, how long, how often, how soon or even...."why?".  But God shows me truthful criteria to influence my decision making and guidance for how to manifest this compassion.  Am I good at it?  Not really. But God is... so I will continue to pursue Him. 

I am unable to make many of these difficult decisions in this earthly dimension in which I spend too much time.  This is because I have too much pride, greed and sin....too much me.  I must move into the place where God teaches and His Holy Spirit guides me. 

This compassion will bring many decisions and many will be difficult.  But we will see God realign normal life and create dependence out of hardship, mercy out of pain and strength out of weakness.  Realize then that this blog is not to say what should be done but where to go and whom to seek.

Anxiety

As I think about this topic allow me to alleviate your anxiety and give you the freedom to realize I am unqualified to discuss this subject medically or theologically. However, may I ponder a link between David, the man after God's heart, and this toxic anxiety?

It has been an incredibly long time that I have had a desire to trust God so completely that I would be anxiety free.  In the fifth grade I had turned my life over to this God and my walk was immediately interrupted by a traumatic change of schools.  In my old school boys weren't more or less cool, girls weren't more or less pretty and kids weren't more or less smart.  We all just seemed to be more or less friends.  This school change brought a pecking order; status delineation, cuteness ratio, dweeb analysis.  My groove factor was somewhere between "pathetic" and "Oh brother".  The tiles on the floor became my friend.  The hill, on our farm that overlooked the river...my solace.

Why all this anxiety?  Was it the change in schools?  Maybe adolescence had crept up on me. Or even worse -  had I become something people now despised?  

Over these many years anxiety has perplexed me.  Countless times, in the Bible, God warns us about this anxiety.  The confusion is that something which seems to be attached to me is so vehemently warned against.

As of late, I have been involved in a study of David, the Shepard who became king.  Acts 13:22 and 1 Samuel 13:14 refer to David as a "Man after God's own heart."  Why was that?  What was this trait he possessed?  Certainly it wasn't because of his many character deviations like adultery and murder. But as I look through his life, God was his focus.  Even when his humanness got in the way God was his default.  Could this be a link to my anxiety?

David didn't seem upset that he had been forgotten by his family in the blessed king lottery.  Killing the bear and lion...no problem, it was his duty to protect the sheep, God would protect him.  There was no second thought about himself with Goliath. Big or not Goliath had mocked God and must be dealt with.  Running from Psycho Saul was confusing but David always kept checking in with God.

However, does anxiety begin to make an entrance in 1 Samuel 27 when David begins to think "to himself"?  He begins to run...wherever.  His plans were all of a sudden not directed.

Proverbs 3:5 says this:

"Trust in the Lord with all 

your heart

and lean not on your own 

understanding;

in all your ways 

acknowledge him,

and he will direct your path."  

Is there a dimension, state of mind or acknowledgement of God's glory that I can escape to where there is no realization in which I can manipulate?  Often I feel as if I clumsily struggle in the morass between wanting to know and understand what and why and desiring to do what and why because it is obvious.

Let me try to explain.  In a previous blog I tried to describe humility as something that is, not something I do.  If I do humility I flounder in and out of guilt and pride.  If I was actually humble I would not know and escape this confusion of a reality created by my own determination.  

To be "in Christ"...not a pursuance exactly but a dimension of being...a state of having no option but Christ-likeness.

Will this Holy Spirit dimension release me from this dreaded anxiety?  And if so how do I get there and will I know when I have arrived?  

Does it seem as if God's plan is neither?  If I know how and why, maybe that is the proof I'm not there.  Is giving way to dependence His desire?  Is it about me at all?  Doesn't God say I must trust and He will direct?

Yes, we need to keep moving along and yes, there are other reasons for anxiety and yes, I still flounder.  But, could it be that if I am kept out of anxiety and replace me with dependence on God, might I soar into this often desired but hidden dimension?  Others may see me in and I will experience it but I will never realize I have arrived because this Godly dimension has a unending arrival, it is always pursue-able.  

It isn't easy, hence the dependence.  There will be hard times, trouble and even calamity.  But Psalm 46 shows me that God is my refuge and His Holy Spirit my reassurance.  This anxiety limits what is and obsesses what is not.  When I  "be still," give way, depend and allow this Lord Almighty to build a "fortress" around me, anxiety will fade and comfort will fill the now vacant spaces.

Shadows

The shadow of the cross

reveals a story true.

A baby born with love so boundless

to give us life anew.

Wrapped in blood and in a manger

a sacrifice will come

The test will not be easy,

the sins of all, not some.

A Kingly Crown to us be given, 

the One who wore the thorn.

The empty cross, He's risen

the One to us was born.

As always God has more for us than we first understand.  Maybe Christmas wasn't really about the birth of Jesus at all.  It was about beginning the sacrificial process of providing us new life!

John 10:10

"I have come that you may have life

and have it to the full."

Merry Christmas! 

Rest

My father was a man of principle.  Often, however, I didn't understand the passion behind the scruples.  You see, there was a hesitancy for him to do certain things for some reason.  I grew up in an age of obedience...no questions asked.  Unfortunately it wasn't until the last years of his life that we were able to chat as friends instead of "father-son."  There were too many things to find out, at that point, so his concept of Sunday rest went unknown.  It seemed somewhat confusing because activities like playing tennis were OK, but fishing was out of the question.  Fishing...? Why fishing?  Was it too much work to get the boat out, the old motor started and the fish cleaned?  Who knows, but it was off limits.  I will say, however, even this unknown created a semblance of difference and respect for the "day of rest".

Somehow this life has so many ways to fill itself with chaos and mayhem.  Work, kids...life- it sucks the existence out of us.  Though we now live under grace and we aren't bound by this "day of rest", is the component still essential?

Amy Carmichael puts it this way in the book, "I Come Quietly to Meet You":

                             "Those of us who are God's emissaries are to treat the world
                               (not just its corruptions, but its legitimate joys, its privileges and
                                blessings also), as a thing to be touched at a distance. 
                              We must be aware at all times that, if we are caught by its spirit,        
                               or fed by its meat, we will lose our sensitivity to the very breath
                               of the Highest and will no longer receive the manna that falls
                               from heaven to feed  our souls.

                             It is not that He forbids us this or that indulgence or comfort;
                              not that He is stern, calling us to a life of harsh asceticism,
                             as if that would make Him more pleased with us.  No, it is that we
                             who love our Lord, and we whose affections are set on the things
                             that are heaven for us today, will voluntarily and gladly lay aside
                            things that charm the world, so that we may be charmed and ravished
                            with the things of heaven.  Then our whole being may be poured forth
                            in constant and unreserved devotion in serving our Lord, who died to
                            save us." 

Does freedom lie in the captivity of this Savior?  Is there seriousness in why God gave rest its own special day?  Do I use this day of rest to entangle my life with more nonsense or do I rid the nonsense allowing myself room to be filled with wonder?

Will God judge me if I mow the lawn, play tennis or go fishing?  I should think not.  The offering of spiritual renewal and refreshment is given as a benefit not a painful hindrance.  I don't think God recommends options to give Himself opportunities to punish.  His creation and sacrifice is for our benefit.  If I refuse the benefit to be refreshed, I just won't be refreshed.

We see here then that sacrifice is a risky business.  So just as the soldier died to give me the right to burn the flag he is buried with, he hopes the freedom he sacrificed for would not bring despicable behavior.  This also holds true for the "day of rest".  The freedom we have gained to be refreshed by the sacrifice of Jesus, was meant to establish desire not repugnance.

Is this "day of rest" more important than I had once believed?  Often my fathers principles turn out that way.  Have I given away my freedom for things that just fill time and not refresh?  I must revive myself.  I must spend time with my God and make my "day of rest" worthwhile.  I must be careful because maybe, just maybe, if I am not a servant to the freedom sacrifice has provided I will become a slave to the tyranny I despise. 

Perspective

                                                                                               

                                                         PERSPECTIVE

                                                          Genesis 2:1&2

                                         "Thus the heavens and the earth were
                                             completed in all their vast array.
                                          By the seventh day God had finished
                                         the work He had been doing; so on the
                                        seventh day he rested from all His work."

How do I look at things?  What do I see?  Does it have confusing intricate detail...or is it all in plain view?  It often seems as if the complex issues in the miraculous majesty of God may be something only wise intellectuals can muster.  But I have this thought that, maybe, even the minds of those of us who are less adept can perceive this great Majesty as well.

Now realize, this is not to take anything away from brilliance...if only I had more of this coveted intellect. But this blog is to view perspective in a way to show God's creativity in allowing us to all be interested.

One day I was sitting in on a class of my friend as he was explaining certain views of creation.  His excitement began to ramp up as he described a view of a longer creation than an actual six day span.  In his excitement he began to explain molecules, atoms, light years and on and on.  My thoughts fluttered off into kids movies about toys and my mind began to shut down.  How could I facilitate my view of God in all this?  All these microbes, cellular structures and physic...things were spectacular but how could I calculate my God's Majesty using theory's I couldn't process?

Was my God smaller because my mind couldn't wrap its tentacles around such brilliance?  Could I not stand firm in my belief that the God of my friend and the God of my heart were the same?

The supposition behind the brilliance was that there was so much majesty in this God of his...so much complexity.  And thus the complexity being all true proves that this creation is much more than happenstance.  This amazing feat must have taken more than six actual days to complete. Of course God gives intricate criteria for things like salvation but often we process things in our own peculiar ways. As I think further it makes more sense to me now.  Though we all have our differences God remains the same. He is majestic no matter the perspective.  You see, my friend is brilliant and may be bored with my simple explanation of God's majestic creation.  He dives into the wonders of how this incredible God made all this majesty work.  And me, I am just extremely thankful that God included me in the plan.  Maybe its all a little like Freud and Rip Van Winkle; one agonizes over what our minds do in our sleep and the other can't wait to take a nap.

Its just hard for me to extrapolate on simple words.  Six days seem to be six days.  And is that less majestic?  Did he need more time?  All this complexity created because my God spoke it into being...a Majestic God for a simple man.

Continuation

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you weren't able to finish something but knew that if you had had the time you wouldn't have been able to get it right anyway?  Often I have had this feeling as a father.  Since my kids have moved on my heart yearns for one more explanation...something to relive the gift of time together.  When their fingers slipped through mine my responsibility seemed incomplete...unfinished.  The present somehow still lay unopened...wrong tears for "I'll miss you, wrong hug for "I'm sorry", Wrong words for "I love you".

Is it possible I made a connection when I noticed that a conflict between a parent and child, or for that matter a child and an aging parent, may be with the perspective of conversation...one giving instruction the other receiving correction?  Why does the bow on this gift seem to be untouched, the knot still held tight?

Do not misinterpret this difference between instruction and correction.  As we age our search for independence doesn't really leave us, although the focus may change.  We want to be loved, noticed and congratulated for our inferences and discoveries. However, these struggles of acceptance seem to intensify during the teenage and elder years.  The young adult is breaking free and the older adult holding on.  In both cases their hope is in the understanding that trust and belief is needed from those who are closest, yet it is held at a distance, if accepted at all.

                                  "I can do this don't baby me" or "I can do this don't pity me"

When advice is given frustration begins to mount.  My attempt at instruction, meant to help, love and protect, was often met with this frustration, a push back of sorts. I often thought there was some kind of an irritation from the instruction when it may have been a condescending message of correction I was portraying.   My instructive words were coming through with a corrective attitude leaving people lessened not build up.

Jesus handled situations differently, for example, look in the Bible with me at the adulterous woman in John 8.  With simple questions and pictures in the sand, Jesus allowed the Pharisees to admonish themselves and the woman to feel true love and acceptance.  He was able to allow each of them to come to terms with their needed response.   Granted, Jesus is God and I am me so situations often work out differently. but this is a picture, nonetheless, of positive idea transfer.

Did I bolster my parents or my kids?  Do I offer real help to my co-workers?  Do I reach out and help the crabby customer?

I look back and feel somewhat of a failure at opening this gift of communication...the missed opportunities of instruction, the frustrating terms of correction.  But as I age, the picture seems clearer somehow.  Getting it all right pales in comparison to pressing on.  Other lives will experience wisdom I have gained from both triumphs and failures of the past because I have been blessed with the gracious acceptance of my family who have allowed me to practice these many years.

As in the example Jesus set before us in John 8, I pray that my words will be less distinct and my pictures in the sand more evident. This gift of time together continues on as the present does not lie unopened, but has been re-wrapped and the bow untangled to reveal a new gift...a grandson.  Welcome Avery!  Together there will be treasures opened that only we will see...places we will go...people we will meet and secrets we will share. 

BLAKE

Almost three years ago I wrote Christmas Child and the memories were sweet. As I revisit this blog post my heart is heavy.

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CHRISTMAS CHILD

It has been many years now since my wife and I have taken in foster children.  The kids were great but, at times, the advocacy was difficult.  At one point we had a little boy who stayed with us much longer than anticipated.  Karen worked tirelessly to protect and find a wonderful home for this little boy.  The whole process took a few years enabling me to do something I maybe should have shielded myself from....we developed a special kind of a bond.

The image never goes away.  As I would sit and read in the early morning my eyes would catch bouncing, curly hair traipsing down the stairs.  Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he would plop down next to me, wrap himself up in my arms and keep me company.  Sometimes we didn't talk, but often we chatted about "stuff".  It wasn't long now and he was gone, we had all finally settled on a good home, I didn't realize right away but this little boy had cut out a piece of my heart and taken it with him.

How much more must Christmas have felt to God?  He wrapped up His Son, set Him in a cold manger and left Him in a warped, crazy world.  God knew this baby would be mocked, ridiculed, beaten and killed.  But He also knew there was no other way to defeat man's sinful hearts. 

Oh how glad I am that God was willing to suffer the pain of separation so I could find this babe of Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

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After sacrificing his time and life in Afghanistan to protect our freedom Blake could battle no more. He passed away fighting the demons he was unable to cope with. After twenty some years Blake had reached out to us and tried to connect. If I could have just wrapped him up in my arms and talked about “stuff” again would it have helped? Of course there is always the “what ifs”… We were so close, I wish we could have reached him but the past was all too consuming.

That Babe of Christmas is still waiting to wrap us in His arms and shield us from the “stuff” we battle. Don’t give up…He’s waiting.