Diagnosis

Not long ago I was in for my normal infusion of medication.  After the two and one half hour procedure, the nurse drew some blood so they could check out all the levels of who knows what.  On my way home from the doctors office I received a phone call.  The person at the other end of the line asked me how I was feeling and if I was driving that I should pull over.  I was already in the hardware store parking lot so I asked if there was some problem.  The nurse told me that my blood work had some concerning results and I needed to get to a hospital immediately.  I told her I felt quite fine but would stop in and see my doctor as soon as I got home.  She was awfully upset and thought driving was not a good idea because some of the blood levels indicated the onset of a ...coma.  Now I am a full blown Swede, which some may consider comatose, but it also won't allow me to "walk" into an ambulance.  So off I drove for a half hour comatose car ride.  Shortly, another phone call brought me back to reality.  They realized the blood draw was taken from the same arm as the infusion so the medication had affected the blood diagnosis.  All was normal...I could have gone to the hardware store after all.

How is my diagnosis?  What indications do people get from my blood draw?  Was I just infused with hate, anger, ridicule or despondence? Is my diagnosis so alarming people wished I was comatose? 

In the book "Prodigal God", by Timothy Keller, he establishes some great insight on how our personal diagnosis can be affected by how we draw attitudes from our life.  Just like my blood was expected to be normal it became a tainted test because of the foreign substance in my body, so do we become tainted by sinful attitudes.  And even though we should be Christ-like we exhibit un-Christ-like features. 

Mr. Keller delves into these tainted examples which came from the familiar biblical story of the prodigal son.  Both the elder and younger son had their issues.  He points out that the younger son didn't care about his father and in his selfishness spat on his fathers love and stole his money.  The elder son also didn't care about his father and was "waiting" to spit on his fathers love and steal his money.  (Spit and steal are my words not his.) Both had been infused with selfishness and greed.  The elder son was diagnosed with piety, the younger son with rebellion. 

The author discusses that often piety causes rebellion.  He pastors a large church in Manhattan and many of his parishioners are there because they had left their place of worship long ago with scars of ridicule, criticism and un-acceptance from church and family.  Mr. Keller and his church hope they can squelch these feelings by doing their best to practice the personality of Christ.

Timothy Keller expounds on these thoughts much better than I could:

                     "The choice before us seems to be to either turn from God and
                       pursue the desires of our hearts, like the younger brother or
                       repress desire and do our moral duty, like the older brother. 
                      But the sacrificial, costly love of Jesus on the cross changes that. 
                      When we see the beauty of what He has done for us, it attracts our
                      hearts to Him.  We realize that the love, the greatness, the consolation,
                      and the honor we have been seeking in other things is here. 
                      The beauty also eliminates our fear.  If the Lord of the Universe loves
                      us enough to experience this for us, what are we afraid of? 
                      To the degree we "see His beauty" we will be free from the fear and
                      neediness that creates either younger brothers or elder brothers" 
                                                                                                               The Prodigal God
                                                                                                               page 99 

All this has been written to set up my muse.  Why do I cycle this elder and younger brothers dilemma?  Why do I feel I must control my God by duty or rebellion?  Is my faith strong so I hold circumstances of my faith as a pious bully pulpit?  Or, do I hate people holding things over me so I escape to rebellion?  Why is balance so difficult?  If I learn to be a good elder brother why do I begin to accept human tendencies instead of Gods' intension?  If I begin to heal my younger brother selfish thoughts why do I begin to be obligated to become like the elder brothers and think his piety is worse than my rebellion?  Elder brother becomes younger brother becomes elder brother becomes younger brother....

In 2Peter 1:5-9 God may give us a link to abandon this cycle:

                    "For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness;
                     and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self control; and to
                     self control, perseverance; and to perseverance , godliness; and to
                     godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 
                     For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure they will
                     keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge
                     of our Lord Jesus Christ.  But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted
                     and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from past sins."

Our brotherly cycles seem to begin when we try to be perfect in one or another of God's recommendations.  Maybe they all matter...they all work together.  My faith may be strong and my rights and wrongs may be established, but I need love and brotherly kindness to realize God is at a totally different focus in someone else's life. Or, maybe I love so much but my knowledge is too insufficient to make decisions which are pleasing to my God.  Maybe I need to increase the measure of all these qualities in my life or I will continue to be ineffective and unproductive.

I have no right to be pious or rebellious!  The blood of Jesus needs to flow more freely and less tainted throughout my life so my diagnosis is more helpful in the work of my Savior. 

The Fixer

I have a brother who is a fixer.  He makes things from nothing to do better things than were done before.  He designs, welds, wires, bolts and builds magnificent machines.  When people misuse or overuse, he fly's all over the world and reinvents, recreates and resolves the situation. 

I sometimes think I am a fixer.  Really though, I think I'm a "smooth-overer".  My brother welds and bolts...I put on a Band-Aid and a piece of tape.  He rewires...I use an extension cord.  He re-sheet rocks and plasters....I slap up an old door to cover the problem. 

When we were young we had these motorized contraptions we called "go-carts" and "mini bikes".  I would drive these little vehicles all over our farm and had quite a lot of fun, actually.  They were never quite fast enough, efficient enough or perfect enough for my brother so most of the time they were in the garage being worked on.  I don't know why he would always do that, they worked fine...or so I thought.  But after each "brotherly" session the toys performed better. 

I believe my brother has a piece of the personality of my God.  My God is not a "band-aider" an "extension corder" or a"slap-overer".  He is the ultimate fixer!  I have so far to go but when I put my life in His hands He keeps shutting me down to rework and retool me so I can be more effective and efficient for His work.  He puts me out there again and I get in the way and misfire and short out but He gently takes me, not to the woodshed, but to His work shop and revives my unwilling spirit and sends me out for another try. 

I am glad my God is a fixer and not a recycler or I would have seen the crusher many years ago.

Am I ok with revisiting that little boy from long ago and be satisfied with chugging along in life? Or will I listen to my Savior, the ultimate fixer and enter His workshop and allow myself to be refurbished for the work of the Kingdom?